Items of Note

"Sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary." -Hilary Faye

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

And one for good measure....

Dear Crate & Barrel-

"You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar
When I met you
I picked you out, I shook you up, and turned you around
Turned you into someone new
Now five years later on you've got the world at your feet
Success has been so easy for you
But don't forget it's me who put you where you are now
And I can put you back down too"

Never ever be out of stock of something that I want. Never again.

I made you who you are and I CAN put you back down too.

(Note- these are idle threats- I still luv you the mostest.)



So I did a very bad thing and I left work to do some shopping around 3 pm. I picked up my keys and walked out the door like I was going to walk over to Starfucks (as if) or something innocent like that.

Instead I hopped behind the wheel of my Jeep and hit Crate & Barrel (remember, the mostest I said,) Pier One (where I knocked something over with my non-existent behind,) the Diamond Shamrock for $50 worth of gas and good old McDonalds to top things off.

The run down:
1 stainless steel strainer (fucking $20)
1 spoon rest (who charges $15 for a spoon rest?)
2 candles
a couple of gallons of gas for my $50
6 chicken nuggets (mmmmm)
2 Mormon Boys (I was polite and resisted the urge to flash, but we did have a nice litle dicussion as they tried not to look at my boobs)

I am evil and must be stopped.

Gawd I need to get laid.


At 2:46 PM, Blogger Stairwell said...

Nothing like a little Human League to hum for the rest of the day.

Crate and Barrel, huh. You do of course know about the outlet store they have in Allen, right?

Somehow I doubt that getting laid is a difficult thing for you. Call it a hunch. If you're having issues, I know some people who probably know some other people.

At 2:55 PM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

You are welcome for that.

I did NOT know about any sort of outlet that was close. Ummmm. Where is Allen? (Yes I have lived in DFW my whole life - shut-it.)

Bah. It's what, Wednesday? Three whole days my friend. Three days. I haven't put any effort in to it, but perhaps tonight.

What, you've got the booty call hook up??

At 3:17 PM, Blogger Stairwell said...

Allen. That town north of Plano. Go up 75, exit Stacy Rd., go west on Stacy. It's on the right. You can't miss it. It's less than 30 minutes away from you. Here.

Now is the point where you tell me you love me....I'm waiting.

I got you covered. I know plenty of musicians. As long as you remain steadfast that they must have bathed within the last 24 hours, you should be able to find a few. Most likely a singer with a HUGE....ego who spends more time primping that you do. But everyone can't be perfect.

At 3:32 PM, Blogger yournamehere said...

When I become your personal assistant, you'll say, "Find me a date by this evening, peasant." An hour later I'll come by and say, "No guys, but lots of hot chicks who like to be photographed. And here I am with a new camera."

Talk about someone who needs to get laid. That would be me.

At 3:36 PM, Blogger A. Estella Sassypants said...

20 dollars for a strainer???...


And I'll arm wrestle Todd in a tub of Jell-O for the "Needs Laid" title.

At 3:54 PM, Blogger Osbasso said...

You people are mere amateurs in the whole "needs to get laid" arena. Bow to the ultimate master--the great and powerful (and born-again virgin) Os!

At 5:15 PM, Blogger katarina said...

My virginity grew back.

At 6:59 PM, Blogger aughra said...

Mormon boys are terrible in bed. I oughta know.

Missionaries are trouble...

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At 1:03 AM, Blogger Osbasso said...

Oh, Steph--please say that you'll check that spam comment above me here!!!

At 7:12 AM, Blogger wopanese said...

Crate and barrel. I bet they'd charge over 500 bucks just for the crate that was used in shipping... but I suppose my taste isn't always quite so refined.

I mean, it is aesthetically pleasing stuff..

Hey, whatever happened to the 25th floor guy anyway? Or is that a bad question?

At 8:09 AM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

I luv you stairwell. I want to have your little stairwell babies.... ;) Ugggggg @ babies.

Hey - if they want to look pretty for me let 'em.

Your- do you have a resume, are you good with webcams, are you willing to find only the hottest chicks??

Andi- ummm yeah, I hate Walmart with a passion, and this strainer is really cool... ;) I know, its a bunch of crap...

At 8:11 AM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

Os, Kat- there is no going back. Now get ye down to Texas.

Augs- they are too much trouble to bother with.... missionary is so boring.

Wop- I expect him to be by today, or at least looking for me in the lobby. It's kind of hard to get to me in my office due to the locks on the door!


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