Items of Note

"Sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary." -Hilary Faye

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Cute but Psycho (no not me silly!)

So Army Boy just might fit into the cute but psycho category.

OK so there is no 'might' about it. The boy is crazy (and not in a good way like me.)

I overlooked the 4 calls a day, I did.

I overlooked the repeated questions about what I'm looking for in a man (that would be a big dick.)

I even overlooked the badbadbad sexual innuendos and pretended like I 'didn't get it.'

The proverbial nail in the coffin was the voicemail and subsequent call we had last night.

Voice mail: "Hey gorgeous I had a really bad day and need to talk to you as soon as possible. It's important."

OK- so I'm thinking his mom died or he was in a car wreck, I felt bad for him and called him back (when it was convenient for me of course, 2 hours later.)

He launches into this diatribe about some other girl and how he was supposed to have a 1st date with her last night and at the last minute she sent him a text message saying she was getting back with her ex and cancelled (I've totally used that excuse before.)

My first thought was damn, how many cell phone minutes does this man have? I mean really, if he calls me all the time and he calls her all the time it must really add up.

Anywho - the deal was they met online (yikes!) and had been talking for a while, but had never met in person. He then told me that he sent her flowers to her work on Monday. WHAT? They hadn't even met yet - what the hell?

But wait - there's more.

He then tells me that he went up to her work to confront her (because that's the rational thing to do) after she cancelled.

Oh dear God. How in the hell do I find the psycho ones? How can so many people I meet be crazy?

Please remember that we have a first date scheduled for tomorrow (we met in a club a few weekends back for those of you who smoke pot and don't remember.) If I am not back on Friday please say a prayer for my hacked up body that will be in the first stages of decomposition in some guy's freezer.

Yes I am going to go - at the end of the evening I will let him know that I didn't feel any spark and it is best that he keeps looking. I'm hoping this keeps me from having to change my cell number.

We will meet in a public place and I will not get in the car with him. As a matter of fact I will try my best to have somebody I know just 'happen' to be eating dinner at the same place at the same time.

He doesn't know my last name, he doesn't know where I live or work, so fret not my pretties.

In other news Cuban Boy asked me to go camping this weekend. Now we all know that I am pretty booked up, but I said MAYBE to Sunday night. Then somebody told me there would be snakes and spiders out in the woods so I am going to cancel. If he were to counter offer with a nice hotel I would reconsider. Muhahahaha.

Boys make my head hurt.

46 Comments:

At 8:30 AM, Blogger Stairwell said...

Just set up an emergency call. Nothing to sympathetic though or he'll want to comfort you. Something that is really just a hassel, but you have to take care of immediately (I tend to use my "insane" mother having another "episode" - even though my mother is neither insane nor has ever had an episode).

Or if you're not comfortable with that, just let everyone know where you will be tomorrow and I'm sure we'll all show up. Even if it's just to check you out. ;)

 
At 8:35 AM, Blogger A. Estella Sassypants said...

Expect flowers from Army boy at work any time. Or maybe he doesn't actually send those to the people he's met. Hmmm.

Sex in the woods might be fun. Go for the camping.

 
At 8:35 AM, Blogger A. Estella Sassypants said...

(I know he doesn't knwo where you work. It was smartassness. No pot)

 
At 8:51 AM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

sure pot head.... sure....

;)

(I would never ever peg you for a pot head- the smartass yes, pot head no!)

 
At 9:27 AM, Blogger Pixel said...

What you recognize your own type? lol

Can I spy on the date? You know, just to make sure you are safe.

 
At 9:31 AM, Blogger Las Fashionistas said...

Good grief, girl. Please, please be safe. Definitely get someone to bump into you, or better yet, have E come along pretending like she has some huge emotional trauma. Yikes!

 
At 9:36 AM, Blogger Bougie Black Boy said...

Expect Army boy to become even more psycho. But enjoy him while it lasts, then run. . .

 
At 9:58 AM, Blogger Pixel said...

Sure, I'll pretend to have emotional trauma. Yup, all over it.

 
At 10:38 AM, Blogger Stairwell said...

New t-shirt idea: "Small dicks need not apply"

Simple and to the point.

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

dude- stair- you are my hero.

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger Stairwell said...

Of course I am. Was there ever a question? ;)

 
At 11:11 AM, Blogger art said...

you're nuts-I like ya

 
At 11:56 AM, Blogger AMS said...

eeeekkkk just keep it in the pants and its all goooooood

 
At 12:03 PM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

hey now- i havent even had sex this week y'all (not since Saturday morning). thats me keeping it in the pants!!!!

and there is NO way I would sleep with him.... all of his insecurities scream SMALL DICK.

(I would like to point out that I do know that size is not everything, but it sure does help sometimes.)

 
At 12:40 PM, Blogger Stairwell said...

4 days!?!? I thought the 3 days was a long time. Where did all your boy toys go?

 
At 12:49 PM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

im being coy remember?

I turned away tall boy Saturday, Monday and Tuesday night.

I turned down EB Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights.

I turned down Cuban Boy last night.

I turned down Army Boy every night since Saturday 2 weeks ago.

See- that's me being good.

I have no idea what's wrong with me this week.

 
At 1:11 PM, Blogger Stairwell said...

I think I know what's wrong with you...but I'm going to let Pixel say it. My ass is in enough trouble as it is. ;)

 
At 1:15 PM, Blogger Tim said...

Steph-

I'm still a little boggled why you are going out with him. I mean, we've already established that he's crazy. This date isn't the deciding line. He's looney tunes, girl. Again, if he murmurs a lot and tries eating you or other people (not "out", just eating), club him in the head, smashing in his skull. That means he's not just crazy...

...but a zombie.

-Tim

P.S. I have a hankerin' to fight some zombies. Give me a call if there's an infestation.

P.P.S. Thanks for the comment. Although, due to lack of internet inflection, I'm really confused about the "oh my". Is that a good "oh my" or a bad "oh my"?

 
At 2:23 PM, Blogger Shumpy said...

so when he meets you and is singing Flock of Seagulls What's this I see?
You're try'n' to hide
Away from me,
Away from me.

Will that be the kicker.

Steph - This boy's already showing signs of being cookoo. Is worth dinner and drinks?

NOW Stay safe and try to get this song out of your head (please don't damn me)

http://a425.v8384d.c8384.g.vm.akamaistream.net/7/426/8384/3b858b51/mtvrdstr.download.akamai.com/8512/wmp/3/577/5145_1_1_05.asf

 
At 2:24 PM, Blogger Shumpy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 2:28 PM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

I am only going out with him to let him down gently and teeo avoid any kind of future issues with the whole stalking thing.

I will be clear and concise in my reasoning, surely he will be logical about the whole "I was drunk when we met and I don't find you remotely attractive" line, right?

I am planning on not looking cute and might forget some of my manners. Sounds like the makings of a Chevy Chase movie huh?

Maybe I will just have Pixel tell him I died.

 
At 2:31 PM, Blogger Stairwell said...

Can't use death. I know people who have used that. Karma won't allow it. It's amazing how quickly they run into you accidentally after you've faked a death. Usually out of town too.

Now deadly diseases.... Those work well. Especially the contagious ones.

 
At 2:44 PM, Blogger Sam said...

Ew. Desperate boys make me cringe. Watch him bust out with an "I love you " after 2 dates. Yuck.

 
At 2:54 PM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

sam- there will be no second date.

I would rather hang myself with my fishnets....

 
At 3:22 PM, Blogger Tim said...

Hanging yourself by fishnets? I paid to see something like that when I was in Germany. I was walking the back streets, looking--

Ah nevermind. That is a story for another time.

-Tim

P.S. This word verification's actually kind of dirty. "myhochce". I had a burning sensation in my hochce once, but again: story for another time.

 
At 3:26 PM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

holy shit tim - thats the best one ive seen yet!!!

 
At 3:46 PM, Blogger Harley Quinn said...

Camping with a Cuban boy huh?? Okay - here's the deal - go get a couple cans of raid and spray around your tent...like...a HUGE area around your tent - that covers the problem with spiders and other bugs. (Heaven is not bug friendly) LOL. Snakes?? uhm...just stay in the tent. :) Your blog is too funny!! Thanks for stopping by mine and commenting. I'm going to add your link :)

 
At 3:46 PM, Blogger yournamehere said...

You'd better stay safe, girl. I'd hate to have to kill a guy I've never met because he hurt a girl I've never met. That would put me in the loser hall of fame.

 
At 4:37 PM, Blogger katarina said...

You should tell him that you got back together with your ex. That'll drive him over the edge. heh heh
He WILL only get worse. Watch yourself.

 
At 6:36 PM, Blogger The Funky Bee said...

Please, please, PLEASE be careful Steph! I know you like livin on the edge but he sounds kinda creepy. Knowing you, you will turn it into a v. fun night regardless so I can't wait to hear all about it. BE CAREFUL, and let him down easy so he doesn't kill you please...

 
At 7:45 PM, Blogger Blog ho said...

big dicks are so overrated

 
At 7:10 AM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

heaven- no, thank you... ;)

your- awwwwww- revenge is so sweet!

Kat, Funky - I promise to be careful!!!! I swear!

Ho-ho- you think? I think not...

 
At 12:32 PM, Blogger wopanese said...

Don't worry about the hacked up, decomposing thing. I have this huge freezer in my basement and bodies hardly ever decompose much before I have a chance for proper disposal... ;)

Hey, if he messes with you, let me know. I "know people" in Allen...

 
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Thanks again
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Thanks again
Sterling Myers

 
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Thanks again
Sterling Myers

 
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Thanks again
Sterling Myers

 
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Take Care And Thanks
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If you have any problem stains in Your carpet at home u can check out my carpet cleaning website for tips on carpet stain removal
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Take Care And Thanks
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I have a carpet cleaning blog Cute but Psycho (no not me silly!) at http://www.carpet-cleaning-dallas-allen-frisco-plano-texas.com

If you have any problem stains in Your carpet at home u can check out my carpet cleaning website for tips on carpet stain removal
At carpet cleaning allen site It pretty much covers carpet cleaning allen and related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

Take Care And Thanks
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At 1:09 PM, Anonymous carpet cleaning frisco said...

Hi Princess Steph
I was look at some different blogs to get an idea of how they work because I'am new at using blogs. Im glad I stoped at ur site I found it intersting thanks for read

I have a carpet cleaning blog Cute but Psycho (no not me silly!) at http://www.carpet-cleaning-dallas-allen-frisco-plano-texas.com

If you have any problem stains in Your carpet at home u can check out my carpet cleaning website for tips on carpet stain removal
At carpet cleaning dallas site It pretty much covers carpet cleaning dallas and related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

Take Care And Thanks
Sterling Myers

 
At 12:37 AM, Anonymous carpet cleaning allen said...

Hi Princess Steph
I was look at some different blogs to get an idea of how they work because I'am new at using blogs. Im glad I stoped at ur site I found it intersting thanks for read

I have a carpet cleaning blog Cute but Psycho (no not me silly!) at http://www.carpet-cleaning-dallas-allen-frisco-plano-texas.com

If you have any problem stains in Your carpet at home u can check out my carpet cleaning website for tips on carpet stain removal
At carpet cleaning plano site It pretty much covers carpet cleaning plano and related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

Take Care And Thanks
Sterling Myers

 
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