Items of Note

"Sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary." -Hilary Faye

Friday, September 02, 2005

8 Lies and a Truth

Ever play that game/icebreaker 3 Truths and a Lie? Perhaps it's a corporate thing.

Here are the lies and a truth that I told Army Boy last night to let him know that I was not interested:

1. I smoke -because I remember him saying that he hated it I stopped off at the store and bought a pack (I smoked one and almost vomited)
2. I can't stand to be touched (he had to be reminded thrice)
3. I can't turn my phone off because I am waiting on a call (he asked what the call was about, how friggin' rude, I refused to answer. My phone rang 7 times during our time together)
4. I deal coke on the side to make ends meet (I really thought this would throw him off since he is currently in law enforcement)
5. I do coke every weekend, in addition to dealing it, and the phone call I'm waiting for is my connection. Oh, and by the way I'm on it right now, you want some?
6. Cuban Boy is my connection and I have sex with him for drugs (seriously, I actually said that line at one point)
7. I am not looking for someone to date, or any new friends, or a fuck buddy at the moment. I said "All of my slots are filled"
8. In addition to Luis I also fuck his buddy Matt for drugs occasionally
9. I have cheated in every relationship I have ever had (because he told me once that he had/would never cheat)

Lies, lies, lies!!!!

I know there were more but you would THINK that these would be enough to make him run screaming. NOPE. He waned to know if I would go out with him this weekend. He called three times after we parted - one message said that he just got home and was getting into bed and wished it was my bed instead.


Perhaps the best part of the night was the fact that E and Cort showed up and sat at the table directly behind him. I was subjected to boobie flashes and thrown chips while trying to keep a straight face. Please remember that these two lovely ladies were with me when I met him - I think he wondered where he knew them from all night.

From what I hear he turned around and hit on Cort when E and I went to the restroom - he told her that I was a drug dealer and he wasn't sure how to handle that!!!!!!!

At one point I wondered if I could stab myself in the neck with the stem of one of the long stem roses he gave me (you know I vomited a little in my mouth when I saw them, right?)

He tried to kiss me at my car- he ended up hitting my hairline as I whipped my head around in horror.

So that's how the evening went - the wilder the story the more he seemed in to me. Fucking freak. He also busted out the "I have had emotional issues in the past" line - no crap? Really? You think?

And this my friends is going to send me to the nunnery.

Right after this long weekend of course.


At 6:55 AM, Blogger Stairwell said...

I've met brick walls that were less dense. I bet he's thinking that he can "change" you. He's gonna be your knight in shining armor and take you away from all of this. Your just unloved and he wants to fix that.

Good luck with that one. Maybe you should've just joined a convent instead. You said you could pull off innocent...

At 7:53 AM, Blogger Mike said... guess is that he just really, really wants to see you naked...but don't we all ;-p

At 8:33 AM, Anonymous mikey said...

heh. i'm the total opposite. a woman practically has to tear my clothes off and climb on top before i figure out she likes me.

At 8:40 AM, Blogger The Funky Bee said...

holy shit! You can't win with this freak! Maybe you should have gone the "I am saving myself for marriage and I will only marry a mormon" route? Eh, he probably would have converted and proposed that night. Damn! WTF?

Having your friends in the next booth was HILARIOUS! How did you keep a straight face?

At 9:17 AM, Blogger petrow said...

freakin idiot, some people are always gonna be a jelly fish. Sounds like he'll fold like a bad poker hand for any kind of girl, and he's military, wow!

At 9:56 AM, Blogger art said...

Army boy has some serious f'ing issues!

At 11:30 AM, Blogger Tim said...


This is why we don't go. Really creepy lonely guys just want someone. Yeah yeah. They'll use this line saying "Oh, no. I want a real relationship and I'm all sensitive and crap." Malarky! All of it. He just wants some of the sweet honey pot. (Is that an expression? I'm hip. I watch the MTV.)

Anyway, just gotta say "no." "No, mo fo." (Heh. Obscene rhyming.)


P.S. I envy you and your comments. I swear, I've posted three monster posts and nothing. One shot of you licking a nipple, this place is grand central station. (Where the hell do I even find a nipple?)

At 11:40 AM, Blogger Pixel said...

I could lend you one Tim. I have a spare.

Oh my gosh, last night was hil-fucking-arious. I was talking LOUDLY about how stupid men are and how we should all be lesbians. I had trouble keeping a straight face.

I think he either wants to reform her or bang her.

WTF: verification - xlehuuwk
Pretty soon it is going to be an entire sentence.

At 11:48 AM, Blogger Polly Prissy-Pants said...


My land, the antics you get up to...

At 12:37 PM, Blogger wopanese said...

wow... not saying you aren't all that AND a bag-o-chips, cause obviously you do have a fan club, but damn he sounds desperate.

Run away.


Serpentine style - makes it harder to follow you, and I'd guess that he would.

At 12:57 PM, Blogger Girl With An Alibi said...

Jeez! What the hell is with that guy?! Maybe you should tell him you're pregnant and you're not sure who the father is but you hope it's not the ex-con who just beat a murder charge. That usually works for my friends. Even the crazy ones aren't that crazy.

At 2:28 PM, Blogger ago-go said...

what a nutbar! being that persistent is a total turn off. make sure to come to the nunnery in winnipeg....there's a warm bed waiting for ya!

At 3:51 PM, Blogger katarina said...

No one can resist you. Have you been drinking the Love Potion #9 that I sent you? I told you that it would only bring trouble. You'd better feed the rest to your dog.
Or Tim.

At 4:54 PM, Blogger Sam said...

This so reminds me of this guy I once dated. Here's the link to the story if you are bored out of your mind at any time this weekend.

At 7:34 PM, Blogger Tim said...

I'm actually a bigger fan of Love Potion 3 simply because of the buttery taste. What can I say? I love butter.


At 7:55 PM, Blogger yournamehere said...

I know how you feel. I can't stand it when all of these women can't get it through their thick skulls that I don't want them around. Oh, that's right...all women hate me and avoid me like factory-second tampons.

At 11:38 PM, Blogger Sam said...

I just read a comment you made over at Andi in which you promised to do something INSANE like not talk about sex for a week if she changes the comment button wordage on her blog. I would be very unhappy if you did that. How can I live vicariously through you if you don't (whine) talk about your sexual adventures (pout, sniff)?

At 9:05 AM, Blogger Steph said...

The word psycho comes to mind a wee bit. And to hit on your friend when you're in the bathroom? This guy is a catch! Why in the world would you want to get rid of him. Send him my way. I love emotionally retarded robots

At 1:31 PM, Blogger Camy Leon said...

OMG! I just stumbled across this. Whoa... what an idiot... or maybe you are just fucking hawt.
Well, then you can't blame him for trying. I have an uncanny way of attracting guys I'm not attracted to, but I always find a way to scare them off. Need advice? I'm your girl.

At 8:48 AM, Blogger AMS said...

oh god you are hillarious - i love it!!

At 12:01 AM, Blogger BossMack said...

You are beautiful, your ruthlessness is poetic, we could kick it.


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