Items of Note

"Sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary." -Hilary Faye

Thursday, September 15, 2005

How could I forget?

When I arrived back at my apt last night from EB's at 10:30 I was met in the parking lot by Tall Boy (read fuck buddy neighbor who is out of rotation, and has been for more than a month) who had the following to say:

"Where in the hell have you been?"

Ummmmmm. Yeah. WTF?

We did NOT have plans, and last time I checked he was NOT paying my bills.

So I told him I had been out whoring. What else could I do?


Lunchtime conversation with Derrek, the guy who lives 2 doors down with some woman (I swear we're not together) and like 4 kids, has gang tattoos from head to toe, and who I've never seen go to work:

D- I see you come home for lunch every day, I was wondering if you have some kind of male companion to take care of your needs?
Me- Ummmmm. It depends on what day of the week you ask me.
D- 'Cause it's a shame if you don't have somebody waiting here to have a nooner with.
Me- (blank stake)
D- I'm just sayin'
Me- Are you asking me if I am being fucked?
D- Yes. Because if you aren't...
Me- Are you kidding me? Derrek I am having enough sex for the both of us.
D- Oh, ok. Can I come in?
Me- No.

The best part of this is he is friends with Tall Boy, so as I was leaving they are standing outside together and Derrek yells out "Just give it some thought!" He has not been informed of the informal relationship Tall Boy and I have.

I hope Tall Boy beats him down. He could break him like a twig if he so desired.

My apartments are full of ghetto magical goodness.


At 9:49 AM, Blogger Trevor said...

So if he had been paying your bills, would that have made a difference in your response?

Did he just wander off after your whoring comment? Or is there more to the story?

At 10:11 AM, Blogger art said...

out whoring sounds good to me

At 10:49 AM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

no- he asked me what I was about to do and I told him I was going to the club. He wandered off after that.

:) If only I had been out whoring.....

At 11:28 AM, Blogger Stairwell said...

Does this really work? Ever??? I'm gonna try that this weekend. If nothing else, it'll give me a good chance to practice my ducking.

Nice apartment complex you got there. Do they actually check the applications before they hand out the keys?

At 11:49 AM, Blogger wopanese said...

I can't keep up... it's like, nonstop... and then there was something about moldy m&m's? Damn. Wasn't I just here yesterday?

You've got my head spinning round round like a record baby...

verified by: yblogt

At 11:49 AM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

perhaps it has worked for him in the past. about 4 kids ago. too bad he's a little cute, but scrawny.

No, I'm not considering it.

What's fucked up about my apartments is they have a very strict application process with HIGH non refundable deposits. Bastards.

I don't know how they got in, I think his girl is a nurse.

At 11:59 AM, Blogger Memphis Steve said...

Your life sounds quite a bit more exciting than mine.

But happy HNT, just the same.

At 12:05 PM, Blogger Pixel said...

You spin me right round baby, right round, like a record playing, right round, right round. *Pixel dances off in cloud of 80s nostalgia.*

Here's extra for you. This has been stuck in my head for days. I have tortured my roommate with it. *clear voice* If I could walk on water, if I could find some wahy to prove, if I could walk on water...woud you...belive in me. My love is so true. Nananana nannnona

At 12:15 PM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

what the fuck Pixel? what did you ingest at lunch? (and can I have some?)

Did you get my text, DID U? Are you very, very excited? I thought not.

I'm gonna sell some.

Cryptic I know.

At 1:29 PM, Blogger Stairwell said...

Damn, Pix! Eddie Money? That's just mean. it's really mean 'cause it took me a while to figure out the song and in the meantime I got that Cher song in my head ("If I could turn back time, If I could find some way to prove....") and now I'm screwed. Pix one day when you're not looking I'm gonna ping you with one.

At 1:53 PM, Blogger Sam said...

That was fucking beautiful. *sigh* Men. They are a funny bunch, aren't they?

At 3:07 PM, Blogger petrow said...

lol, hi i'm living with the cosby kids , andi swear the women i liove with is my buttler or house keeper, wanna fuck.

I love your stories , they make office work and paly easier tog et through everday.

At 3:30 PM, Blogger yournamehere said...

I need to buy you a collapsable shovel, one you can carry with you when the need to hit someone in the face with it arises.

At 3:55 PM, Blogger Pirate said...

I wish you were this Pirate's neighbor.

At 7:23 PM, Blogger k o w said...

"ghetto magical goodness" That's fucking brilliant.

You should have turned a hose on him.

At 9:49 PM, Blogger nongirlfriend said...

Reminds me of when I lived in Addison...

At 11:47 PM, Blogger ago-go said...

what is wrong with boys?

At 11:56 PM, Blogger AMS said...

i want your life for a day - it sounds crazy!

At 5:56 AM, Blogger Johnny said...

i love whoring.

and i love steph.


At 8:38 AM, Blogger Pixel said...

All tremble before me, I shall deposit old and moldy songs in your brain, and you will never be rid of them, muhahaha

On? Why nothing, but sunshine. I was playing off of wopanase comments, and then just through in a little extra.

Stair: Never!

At 8:41 AM, Blogger Memphis Steve said...

I used to work out with this guy, he was Italian, but not good-looking like you might be thinking at this point. Anyway, his big pick-up line was "soooooo, wanna fuck?"

Listen, it worked sometimes. Just often enough that he kept on doing it. Let me tell you, it isn't fun being the friend standing next to the guy who pops off this line at a party when it doesn't go over well. Drunk women have bad aim. Sober women aren't much better, but they're a lot more likely to react by throwing shit, like their fist.

At 8:55 AM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

ha. I'm so going to use that pick up line.

It's mine - I now own it.


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