Items of Note

"Sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary." -Hilary Faye

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Cantankerous cop (no I didn't get arrested again)

Last night was all very low key.

I made it to the grocery store, took the dog for a nice walk and hit bed about 10:30.

The bad news is soon thereafter my phone started ringing.

First (and second) there was Damien – he wanted to come over because he was in my part of town (visiting his girlfriend no doubt) and I declined of course (I had just dropped off to sleep.) He got pissy with me and said that I keep putting him off. Of course I keep putting him off, he’s 21 years old and I have enough penis’ in my life right now. He tried to make me promise that I would see him next time no matter what I was doing, weirdo (and not in a good way like you and I.)

Then Tall Boy called, which was odd because he always just knocks. He asked what I was doing and I told him since it was midnight and he knew good and well I was up past 4 am the prior night I was attempting to sleep. He said ok that he would talk to me later. Not 20 minutes later there was a knock on the door – his knock.

I tried to ignore it – he knocked again, louder. Still ignored it. Then he moved on to using the actual door knocker, which is very loud. At this point I was thinking something was wrong, my car was being broken into or something, so I wrapped a towel around myself and answered the door.

Nope, no problem, he just wanted to talk to me about this weekend. And he was not alone.

So there I was in my towel looking at him like he had lost his mind – I reminded him of our conversation 20 minutes before and he looked un-phased. I told them they couldn’t come in, but right at that moment my neighbor the cop pulled up, so I pulled them inside (lest I get in any more trouble.)

The cop had his girlfriend with him and they thought it might be fun to kiss – outside- in the entryway- in front of my house. Did I mention they were outside (that is decidedly against the rules)? Bastard.

All I wanted to do was go to sleep, but we had to wait until cop boy went inside for them to leave. I refused to give them anything – no beer, no use of my restroom – nothing. We just stood there staring at the door- waiting. Me in my towel. At one point there was a comment about my being naked – I shot the look of death and told them to shut the hell up.

What was Tall Boy thinking? He’s a smart fellow, I know he is. I told him if I weren’t naked I would have kicked his ass last night. I was so damn sleepy. After about 20 minutes they went inside and I shoved them out the door.

Living next to the cantankerous cop is like living with my parents. I don’t think I mentioned that Saturday afternoon he had a ‘talk’ with me about the amount of traffic coming and going from my apartment. Either he thinks I’m dealing drugs or he thinks I’m a whore – either way I’m screwed. We all know how much I love cops right now, right?

I figure I lost a good hour and a half to those boys, and I plan to avenge the loss of said sleep. They will pay, oh yes they will. I’m gonna go sleep under my desk now (I so very wish.)

Ooooooo- this might compete for my ‘worst post ever’ title. Haha – you read it all sucker.

6 Comments:

At 7:36 AM, Blogger Johnny said...

im just horny officer!!!

 
At 8:14 AM, Blogger Stairwell said...

Sounds like you neighbor has his eye on you (and not in a good or creepy way - just in a law enforcement way). Beware. Make friends with him quickly or he'll make you life miserable.

Your men have no self respect. Not to say that you're not fabulous with your skills, but come on let the girl sleep already.

Plus, they seem to be getting awfully pushy lately. You should kick their asses just for that. You don't need that headache.

 
At 9:21 AM, Blogger Steph said...

The 21 year old made you promise to see him next time his was in the area? Needy, party of one.

No one fucks with my sleep. If people wake me up when I'm trying to get some much needed zzz's they usually get a kick in the groin, girl or boy.

 
At 9:48 AM, Blogger ago-go said...

damien is a psycho. block his number, proto.

 
At 10:37 AM, Blogger Sam said...

Great post, I don't know what you're talking about! I've been too busy to read lately, so I'm catching up.

 
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