Items of Note

"Sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary." -Hilary Faye

Friday, October 07, 2005

Get back on your meds you crazy carney

There was an ‘incident’ in the parking garage at my work this morning.

I was involved through no fault of my own.

Why are all BMW drivers jackasses? Drive a BMW? I’m sorry you are a jackass.

If there is a line of say, oh I don’t know, 40 cars behind you, you should probably not wait for a parking space to open up on the second floor during peak parking times. There are many more decks waiting with lovely wide open spaces just salivating in anticipation to receive your big, studly BMW SUV (read tiny penis.) No really, there are. I would liken it to the relationship between a lonely pirate and his favorite whore’s vagina. All of those upper floor open spaces, I hear they are of loose morals and will let anybody use them over and over again. I don’t know why I even try to be funny.

I did NOT honk, but was subjected to a man approaching my window frothing at the mouth from yelling about the honking. Again, I did not honk. He GOT OUT of his car and approached MY Jeep, a big blue vein bulging and pulsing on his forehead. I was a little concerned that he was going to have a heart attack, but really not so much.

I very calmly informed the rabid BMW driving idiot of my no honking policy and told him to get his tiny ass back in his car or there would be trouble. I’m in my fancy silk tank top and would have hated to get blood on it, but sometimes that’s the price we pay for exercising a little asshole justice. $78 in this case. Seems fair, no? Blood spatters almost never come out of silk.

I can understand wanting to score a good parking space for sure, but there was nothing rock star about the space he was waiting for. Little prick. If you are going to mess with me getting to work on time, that parking place had better be right up front and come with a lifetime of free blow jobs from pretty redheads.

He went and banged on the window of the person that was pulling out, yelling at them too. Can we say “get back on your meds you crazy carney?”

Who in the hell does he think he is? I hope a little gnome finds his way into his bed tonight and does very bad things to his ‘it’s not ok to touch’ zone. Very, very bad things.

I must now go, I have some business to take care of in the garage.

16 Comments:

At 10:06 AM, Blogger Kat's Nine Lives said...

Oh Steph...

These crazy BMW drivers are so irritating!! Some things never change no matter where you go. Here in CA it's the same damn thing...I'm convinced that "BMW" stands for "Big Monkey Weiner." Have a good weekend!

 
At 10:38 AM, Blogger art said...

where do I sign up for the lifetime supply of blowjobs?

 
At 10:44 AM, Blogger Stairwell said...

The beamer are at it again!! I know the feeling. Don't worry someone's gonna deck that guy soon if he keeps that up. Possibly me if we cross paths.

Don't ever get out of your car. Let him initiate, then you have a lawsuit and last I checked Texas doesn't look too favorably on road rage incidents.

 
At 11:03 AM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

kat- I know!!!!! Big Monkey Weiner - I'm going to make up a bumper sticker with that!!

Art- well I guess marriage would be a crazy answer to your question huh?

Stair - I have a friend who has gotten into 2 raod rage incidents - I would never get out of my car (ok I do have quite a temper come to think about it...)

w.v. gkgnhoym

 
At 11:19 AM, Blogger art said...

princess--------I said I wanted sex and blowjobs not nagging and a hole in my wallet! :) I think after 14 years of marriage I've had enough of that. Jp and I have a great understanding and don't want to ruin the sex

 
At 11:36 AM, Blogger Dan said...

Ummmm....apparently the Pope has a BMW now too.

Popembile

Does that mean Christianity has a small penis, or just him?

 
At 1:32 PM, Blogger Pirate said...

Run over the chod.

 
At 1:37 PM, Blogger Queen of Ass said...

Woooo! Nice pic! LOL

Happy (late) HNT!

 
At 2:47 PM, Anonymous corydallas said...

*sigh* But I'm really NOT a jackass. I guess maybe there is a distinction between "BMW drivers" and guys who "drive BMWs". My car is just a vehicle, not a lifestyle. :-)

 
At 3:21 PM, Blogger yournamehere said...

What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.

 
At 4:09 PM, Blogger petrow said...

this is why i keep a carton of eggs in the trunk for times like these, one for the front , one for the inside and one for the fuckers face.

 
At 6:58 PM, Blogger katarina said...

It's the same with guys that drive Hummers. I hate those assholes. They think that because their car is bigger than my 4th grade teacher, that they own the road and every parking lot in America.
Fuckers.

 
At 12:15 AM, Blogger lala said...

If reason doesn't prevail - soaking silk in cold water goes a long way to getting blood out.

Don't ask me how I know....

 
At 7:30 AM, Blogger aughra said...

I know how to get blood out of silk.

 
At 8:50 AM, Blogger Steph said...

It seems like eveyr dildo driving an expensive car thinks they have the right to be a jackass and keep everyone else waiting. Around here they weave in and out of traffic with no use of a blinker and a disregard for traffic. Pisses me off.

 
At 12:27 PM, Blogger nongirlfriend said...

You shouldn't piss off a woman in a garage. Bad things may occur!

 

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