Items of Note

"Sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary." -Hilary Faye

Friday, October 21, 2005

The Replacements

The search has begun. Paul will be replacing himself since he announced to me last week that he doesn’t like living here in Dallas and is planning on making a move at the beginning of the year. Of course this news did not make me happy, but what can you do? He auditioned one guy Wednesday night, but he didn't make the cut (something about drinking too much.)

When he announced his intentions I sniffed ‘that’s ok as long as you find me a replacement Paul.’

Here are the requirements:

He must be comparable looks-wise
The sex must be equally as hot, or better
He must let me call him Paul no matter what his name is
He must know all the best drinking spots
He must know what kind of beer and mixed drinks I like and order them without having to ask what I want
He must call me ‘man’ when addressing me like Paul does
He must like titty bars and love to take me to them
He must always tell me he will drive so I can drink more
He must be able to laugh it off when other men hit on me while we are out together

Yeah, so that about covers it.

We went out last night and had the best time mocking ugly people at the bar. Then there was the hot, hot sex. And the blow job in the car on the way home, with me saying “Don’t drive by anybody on your right, I don’t have any panties on under this skirt.” "Oops- damn why didn't you mention that to me in the bar?" was his response.


Oh, and Pixel, he sent me a text last night right as I was picking up the phone to send him one, so he beat me to the punch. And you left your purse at my house, it and it's contents now belong to me. And you SO owe me for that whole 'drinks with the personal injury attorney from hell' incident.

Ok then. I shall go be sad now.


At 7:17 AM, Blogger art said...

so sorry for your loss

At 7:45 AM, Blogger Stairwell said...

Too bad. He must find you a replacement. Or you'll have to just settle on the 5 "incomplete" boys.

At 11:05 AM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

art- thankyouverymuch

stairwell- He must indeed, but I fear it will be difficult. I mean, not that I think he is great, cause I don't, but I'm just sayin'.... Shut up.

At 1:08 PM, Anonymous mikey said...

if i was still single, i might be tempted to move to TX and change my name to Paul.

At 1:33 PM, Blogger ago-go said...

you are going to be so sad. i think you should make him marry you....hee hee are so in love!

At 2:49 PM, Blogger A. Estella Sassypants said...

Does Hallmark make a "sorry your hot sex is moving" card? There should be one.

At 11:18 PM, Blogger nongirlfriend said...

I'm sad for you, too. It sucks to lose a good fuck.

Steph - I see Domestic Bliss right around the corner from you.


At 9:20 AM, Blogger Steph said...

Sounds like a decent enough list. I think the true issue will be the sex part. Most guys will do just about anything to get some ass, it's making sure their penis is worthy that's the hard part. Good luck ;)

At 4:36 AM, Blogger katarina said...

Wow, I'm shocked.
Maybe he'll change his mind when he finds he can't find anyone good enough for you.

At 1:05 PM, Blogger The Funky Bee said...

oohh, that's a tough loss. Sex that hot is not easy to give up!


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