Items of Note

"Sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary." -Hilary Faye

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Paul to the rescue

I asked Paul if I could take a picture of his penis with my camera phone at the bar last night and he refused. I promptly called him a pussy with no sense of adventure and he said “dude I fucked you in an alley, how much more adventurous do you want me to be?”

We found out later that night as we pulled in to the parking lot of a club on Greenville Avenue and parked between a child molester van and another SUV and had sex in the backseat as a couple in the SUV next to us watched. Now that’s what I’m taking about.

I walked in to a bar to meet him and saw somebody from my recent past sitting at the bar. Not just any somebody, but THE somebody that always mattered most. My blood ran cold and I bolted out the door like my hair was on fire (heaven forbid.) Paul got the call, my ex is here and unless you feel like kicking some ass you had better pick another bar.

Motherfucker. I liked that bar and the cheap drinks it had to offer on Monday’s.

I hatehatehate that I walked in there alone- we should have returned there so I could show off my pretty boy. I know he saw me – we held eye contact for a few seconds. He doesn’t even deserve to know I’m alive.

Hey, you know what S, if you are still reading this, as far as you know I am dead. Stop reading my fucking blog.

I have a lunch date with The Suit today- we are going fancy even though I told him it’s not necessary, I’m just not that high maintenance. I had a dream last night about the whole elevator incident, but it went far beyond the passionate kiss we shared. I think I shall tell him all about it over lunch, and if he’s lucky he will catch a flash of the tops of my thigh high stockings as well. I make a good tease when I want to.

Text message I sent to E last night: “Uganda guy called, Matt texted and the new neighbor came by and yet here I sit with Pinker (the cat) ‘cause I’m a freak.” Paul to the rescue.

14 Comments:

At 8:22 AM, Blogger nongirlfriend said...

Girl, you are wearing me out! I can't keep up with this! I still say we need to do drinks and swap stories. That time with the threesome, fur-lined handcuffs, getting kicked out of The Men's Clug and lots of illegal drugs HAS to be told with a shot (or five) of Stoli.

 
At 8:22 AM, Blogger nongirlfriend said...

oops, men's CLUB. I swear I am not drunk. It's only eight a.m. here.

 
At 8:46 AM, Blogger Stairwell said...

So did you leave Paul exhausted in the car? Why wasn't he with you when you entered the bar? (yes, I'm being picky, but I have continuity needs)

Enjoy the fancy lunch. He's already splurging on you??? If he get you something sparkly, what do you do? ;)

 
At 9:05 AM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

non- :) I like that I am wearing you out! We DO need to swap stories over vodka drinks, I'll buy even! How do you get kicked out of the Mens Club??!!!!????

Stair- I wanted to meet him there since I had been out running errands, so we agreed on Jack's Pub. I got there first, I walked in and saw S and called Paul and told him not to bother even pulling in to the parking lot.

I kicked him out of the car because we were in mine (my windows are actually tinted as opposed to his- I know, who in Texas doesn't have tinted windows!!)

If he gets me something sparkly I will say thank you and run away screaming. Paul was mocking The Suit last night, but I think he was jealous.

 
At 9:06 AM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

oh stair, i did tell that out of sequence didnt I, sorry about that!!!

I went to a bar, left, met paul, drank, fucked in the car, drove home. There you go.

 
At 9:41 AM, Blogger nongirlfriend said...

Well, I will have to save that story for vodka drinks. It was hard getting kicked out, I tell ya. I think my friends were ready to send me home, too.

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger Stairwell said...

Thanks. My conscious can rest easier now. I was a bit befuddled (I love that word). :)

wv - jogatzsy - it's kinda like running, but better.

 
At 1:06 PM, Blogger ago-go said...

does paul know that you are kissing the suit?

 
At 9:21 PM, Blogger A. Estella Sassypants said...

Exes are the spawn of Satan. Take two cute boys with you next time.

 
At 4:11 AM, Blogger katarina said...

Ya gotta love Paul.

 
At 12:39 PM, Anonymous Adam said...

You need to re-name your blog "You Need To Get Out More", because every time I read it I think I need to get out more. Your life is off the hook girl! Be safe and good luck with all these dudes. I love you....

Adam

 
At 1:00 PM, Blogger The Funky Bee said...

once again...hot girl, HOT! even if we don't get to see a picture of his penis ;O)

 
At 5:17 PM, Blogger Steph said...

Do all exes hang out in bars and wait for their hot ex-girlfriends to show up? I smell conspiracy

 
At 10:27 PM, Blogger Rip Avery said...

Thigh highs... awesome

 

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