Items of Note

"Sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary." -Hilary Faye

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


I debated about posting this, but I figured I went to the trouble of jotting it down last night so I might as well put it out there. Those of you that don’t already think I’m a horrible person are about to….

Is it too much to ask that when we are wandering around the video store and you see me downcast my eyes and whisper “that was my Dad’s favorite movie” that you acknowledge it with a simple “I’m sorry” or “would you like to get that?”

The dreams that you chase seem silly to me, and I long to tell you but never will.

Sometimes I think “he seemed cuter when I gave him my card.”

I think of someone else when I’m with you. I approach you and put my arms around you and kiss you, but it’s never you I see.

Is it too much to ask that you don’t discuss my breasts with your coworkers? Did you tell them that I have a brain as well? Did you even bother?

I didn’t miss you while I was away. I kissed three strangers with a passion that you have never seen, and didn’t give you a second thought while I was doing it.

I see the way you stare at me when you think I’m not looking and it saddens me that I will never look at you that way. Never.

You left your shirt at my house and I wasn’t tempted to put it on just to be near you.

I hope you won’t call but you always do.

You are not as good in bed as he is because you never even asked what I like. He does.

When you tell me that you love it when you can still smell me on your pillow it makes me want to not come over anymore.

Damn - apparently I need a happy pill or two. Quick. somebody tell me a joke....


At 8:40 AM, Blogger nongirlfriend said...

Is this all about the same person?

I have some happy pills down here...but you would have to come get them.

At 8:43 AM, Blogger Clint said...

that's pretty brutal...poor suit.

okay, bad joke....

two clowns no no...two canabals were eating a clown, one looks at the other and asks...does this taste funny to you?

sorry, best I could do on short notice.

At 8:46 AM, Blogger A. Estella Sassypants said...

So the Pope and a salmon walk into this bar....

I don't think you're a horrible person. Just honest.

At 8:55 AM, Blogger The Funky Bee said...

Steph - get rid of him PRONTO! I am not thinking you're a bad person as much as I'm thinking this person is making you sad. Why waste your time with feelings like that. And most importantly, anyone who doesn't respond to "that was my dad's favorite movie" is out as far as I'm concerened. How insensitive!

Move on...make yourself happy!

At 10:16 AM, Blogger Osbasso said...

Damn, Andi took my joke....

Certainly not horrible, by any means! This doesn't even make it into your top ten! And I agree with Funky--no acknowledgement pretty much seals up the goods.

All my other jokes are musician jokes which, a) you wouldn't get, b) aren't that funny in the first place, and c) don't work as good as happy pills.

At 10:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Greetings again,
Two Priests and a Rabbi were out in a boat fishing (why, I don't know). The first Priest says, "Excuse me,I must go and relieve myself." So he stands up, steps onto the water and walks to shore. Upon his return, the Rabbi states that he, too, must relieve himself. Not to be outdone by a Catholic, he stands up, steps onto the water, and sinks like a rock. He angrily swims to shore,and does not return. The second priest looks up at the first and asks, "Do you think we should have told him where the rocks were ?" The joke was horrible, and you're just dealing with reality. 'Sorry about both.

At 10:39 AM, Anonymous mikey said...

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?

A: Eliphino! (say it out loud... you'll get it)

OK, how about bar jokes?

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender "How much for a beer?"

"For you? No charge."


It's kinda sad that [whomever you're talking about] doesn't seem to appreciate you as a person. Sure, he calls, he misses you, blah blah blah, but does he miss you or does he just miss a warm body? Sorry, but if he likes/wants you, then he should be interested in other parts of your life that don't involve fucking.

So. What's your Dad's favorite movie?

At 11:04 AM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

non- yep. I am chained to my desk so i cannot come get em. dammit.

clint- i know, and ha.

andi- thanx

bee- will do.

os - ;)

anon- that was a good one, thanks! whats up with being anon?

mikey- thanks for the jokes, badbadbad but oh so good. as for the rest, yeah he is proving to be quite selfish already.

And its A Christmas Story. Was that is.

At 11:24 AM, Blogger Stairwell said...

I'm on some pain meds right now that are killer. Want one?

I'd love to tell a joke, but I'm the worst joke teller this side of the river. It could be because I can never remember a joke. 'Cept that chicken and the road crossing thing, but I bet you know that one. Meh.

At 12:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Should I not be anonymous?

At 12:28 PM, Anonymous recklace said...

What do Walmart and Michael Jackson have in common?

Both have boys' pants half-off.

Good luck :)

At 1:02 PM, Blogger Pixel said...

Steph, it might be a little vacation let down. Sunday, I was in a pretty bad funk. I had a dream were I was watching this happy family and realized I would never have one. Then, went on to list all my problems. Also, winter and holidays bring on depression.

At 2:27 PM, Blogger Ian said...

My Favorite Joke is on my blog, so in case you've read it, my backup joke:

A skeleton walks into a bar and says: 'Give me a beer and a mop'

At 3:30 PM, Blogger ago-go said...

this is not good. break up with him already sweetie and tell paul how you feel!

At 3:52 PM, Blogger yournamehere said...

A giraffe walks into a bar and says "The high balls are on me."

You don't feel about him the way he feels about you. It doesn't make you a bad person.

At 4:45 PM, Blogger Sam said...

"So there was this Suit that thought he could change this girl, because that's what egotistical dumbasses do... and then she dumped him on his ass. For peeing with the door open. And he deserved it."

There's my joke. Dump him please!

At 5:12 PM, Blogger coops said...

Some old and cheesy ones for you..

Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any

Unfortunately, one was a salted.

A jump lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.

The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

Two cannibals are eating a clown.

One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One says, "I think I've lost an electron."

The other says, "Are you sure?"

The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog's cross-eyed,
is there anything you can do for him? "

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his

Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "

"No, because he's really heavy"

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

"No, you're right" he said, "the steaks are too high."

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.

He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

The doctor replied,"I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"

At 5:23 PM, Blogger katarina said...

Oh sweetie, I really wish you would run to Paul. RUN!
The suit doesn't deserve you.

And Clint, that joke killed me!
I never heard that before.

At 5:25 PM, Anonymous as seen on tv products said...

Hi Princess Steph, your blog is excellent. As I was surfing around today looking for detailed info on as seen on tv items I somehow ended up on your page. As your Morose is not exactly related to my search, I am certainly glad I stopped by. Oh well, back to surfing and I am sure I will find what I am looking for, and should you ever need information about as seen on tv items, then stop by for a look. Thanks for the post.

At 7:54 PM, Blogger MollyNormal said...

Want to trade boyfriends?

At 9:23 PM, Blogger Steph said...

If anyone makes you feel even one of those things you need to ditch their ass. Not because you're a bad person or because you're evil, but because feelings like that don't do either of you any good. And every deserves to be with someone that cares about them.

At 6:17 AM, Blogger lala said...

You don't need happy pills - you just need to dump the boy (I call him a boy because no man worth his salt would leave your comment unacknowledged.)

May I make a suggestion? Go rent the movie and watch it anyway - by yourself or with a close girlfriend who doesn't care if you cry all the way through it. Things that remind you of your Dad might make you sad, but its sometimes good for the soul. Take it from someone who's been there as well...

Oh yeah and if I didn't say this before? Dump the suit.

At 1:10 PM, Blogger AMS said...

the sooner you do it the better!


Post a Comment

<< Home CLASS=ivanL_SI TARGET=_blank>FREE counter and Web statistics from