Items of Note

"Sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary." -Hilary Faye

Thursday, June 30, 2005


It was one month ago today that I had my final opportunity to spend time with my Dad before he died. It still feels like it was just yesterday that I wrote about it here:

I cannot make myself take his number out of my phone. How do you just erase the person who raised you?

I wish I had time to drive to Arkansas to the cemetary this weekend. It's a shame it is so far away (5 hours.) What a sad little road trip that will always be.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Wasting your time....

I need to know how a beer bottle cap ended up in my purse.

I hate cookies and if anybody else around here tries to bribe me with them I will shove them down their throats and hold them up as a prime example of 'what happens when you piss off Stephanie.' All bribes should be submitted in the form of CASH or ALCOHOL. Those are the only two currencies I am interested at this point in my life.

I will be saving $400 a month in gas expenses. I shall directly funnel that money in to my drinking/entertaining budget. No extra contributions to the ole savings account for this girl - oh no.

I did not get reprimanded for my mistake at work today. As a matter of fact my boss called me in to a meeting to tell me that he is very happy with my work. I was kind of looking forward to getting fired. Damn. Sometimes I wonder what exactly it would take. Perhaps these breasts are good for something.....

I really like Coca-Cola Zero even though I am put off by the black bottle cap (I don't know why.)

I am planning on calling the guy from the bar even though I am pretty sure he won't make the cut from the list to even qualify for fuck buddy. He has a very soft spoken manner about him - but he has tattoos all over his body and drives a Harley. He has been in prison (although he was not proud about it like the other boys I was talking to at the time.) I do meet some characters. How cute is it that he said he wanted to go to Waffle House with me at 3 am some time????

My mother currently has Cat Scratch fever. Did you know it was actually an illness? I didn't. Gross.

Have I wasted enough of your time? I thought not.

While packing up one of my bathrooms I found 4 full boxes of Epsom Salt. I have no idea where they came from or why they were there, but I packed one or two of them up just for good measure.

I still maintain that Oprah is the devil. I have my reasons.

I am a snot monster today due to my allergies and I have informed the person in the office next to me that I am indeed not a coke head, I'm just having a rough week nasal-wise.

My favorite bra is missing. It is not in my house. I have no idea where it could be. I am always concerned when underwear comes up missing.

You should ask me what happened in Mexico City some time. Seriously. My vacations with E deserve their own blog I think.

I look like crap today and the cute Russian security guard still flirted with me. It makes me question his standards.

I want to do one of those "100 things about me' posts but I fear I would not stop at 100 and "167 things about me" just sounds like a lot of Stephanie.

I am done now.

I cruised over to the new hood on my lunch hour - it was exactly 1.4 miles from ym work garage. This is very exciting considering I now drive 46 miles each way.

Establishments that will be within walking distance from my house (not that I will ever actually do that because we don't walk anywhere in Texas):

DSW Shoe Warehouse (OMG)
Taco Bell/Pizza Hut
Jack in the Box
1/2 Price Books
Michaels Craft store

Ha!!! I am so very excited!!!!

No spell check for you all today - I simply cannot be bothered.

I saw S (the recently estranged ex best friend) yesterday on my way to lunch sitting at a red light next to me. He saw me too.

It felt like a dagger going through my heart.

Dallas is a damn big city to be running in to people like that.

I don't know why he was on my side of town but I wish he would stay away.


Items of note from yesterday

1. The team-building outing was not that bad. Some people drank too much (thank goodness I was not one of them!!) I don’t understand the concept of getting drunk in front of your peers/employees – who does that?

2. I got exactly 0 boxes packed last night.

3. I lost my mind and ordered fried pickles for dinner and now I am completely disgusted with myself. Apparently I decided that it is ok to fill my belly with complete crap. They made me so miserable that I tried to throw up in the bathroom of the restaurant but could not make it happen. Too much salt is a very bad thing.

4. I did not set my alarm and I still got up at a decent time this morning.

5. I had dinner with Charlie and he refused to admit that anything weird happened over the weekend.

That’s all I’ve got. I intentionally dressed like crap today so I would not be tempted to go out after work. I really must get a jump on that whole packing thing.

Goodbye. Maybe later I will be funny. Then again maybe not.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Drama galore

So I am working on getting myself fired apparently with a barrage of stupid errors in my monthly reporting.

Being unemployed will open up all sorts of free time for my blogging projects.

Yeah me.

It could be worse – one of my coworkers made a $44M mistake in her reporting that slipped by about 5 levels before it got to the CFO. Both of mine were under $200k.

OMG – I suck. Since when do I make mistakes? Perhaps it is the 12 hour days I have been working. Perhaps it is because I simply don’t care at this point.

What makes it worse is that just yesterday my boss sent an email to his boss to commend my work, and his boss in turn sent one to the CFO who sent me a note just this morning thanking me for my ‘excellent’ contributions. Yeah- I bet she’s not so happy with me now.

So this afternoon we are having one of those silly team building outings- apparently bowling is the answer to all of our work woes. At least we get to drink. I am all about the drinking today. Perhaps I can pick up an up an application at the bowling alley while we are there. I’m sure polishing balls there pays as much as an accounting gig, right?!?!?!

Hah – ball polisher- that sounds like a good job for me indeed.

Maybe I can become a drug dealer – everybody always tells me that I look so sweet and innocent, I bet I could pull it off. The fact that one of my neighbors at my new apartment is a police officer shouldn’t be a problem, right? Maybe he can find me some good suppliers.

Now I’m just talking crazy. That’s what having a high pressure job gets me- slipping into gibberish land.

Let us top all of this off with my horoscope:
A new look will take you far. Focus on shifting one or two areas of your appearance for maximum impact with minimum sacrifice and risk. Avoid going too far or taking fashion risks, but ditch a conventional look for the time being. This is a fiery day in the zodiac as the Moon, Mercury and Venus all move into fire signs in the early a.m. By Sunrise, Mercury and Venus will be in Leo, creating lots of drama, and the Moon will be in Aries, giving love a head start to this frenzy.

See I am wearing braided pigtails today due to the impending outing – and now I get to go sit in front of the CFO in them. Would one say that is ‘going too far?’ If it was a man I would say no.... Drama not good.


We shall see what happens. If you see a PayPal link go up you will know I am in trouble for real. :)


Monday, June 27, 2005

Ago-go- you are the most awesomest gurl ever!!!!

I will wear them with pride and who knows, maybe some day they will make it in to my 1/2 Naked Thursday submission...

Our wedding is going to fucking rock- and now I have my 'something blue!!!"


So it is bad that I spent a couple of hours talking to a guy at the bar and when he asked if he could give me his number I proceeded to whip out my phone and assign him the wrong name (I put in Steve instead of Thomas) huh? He gently corrected me and said it was 'ok.'

I suck.

Sex, drugs and my Cha-Cha

Well well well kiddos – what the hell happened to my blog traffic the last few days? I am unloved!!

Items of note from this weekend:

1. I took the dog to the groomer and they charged me extra because he was shedding. He is ALWAYS shedding – he is a Siberian Husky that lives in Texas and he has a double coat of hair. Fuckers.

2. Deleted

3. I spent some time talking with a very nice and normal man Friday night at E’s house. He then called me Sunday night and outright offered me drugs in exchange for sex. WTF? Where in the hell did he get the idea he could do that?!?!?!?! If you are going to make an indecent proposal of that magnitude to ME then you had damn well better expect to have a very muscular boy show up at your door with a lead pipe in one hand and detailed instructions on what bones I want broken in the other. I will make the call later this afternoon.

So all in all it was a pretty quiet weekend. I got a little packing done - the movers will be there bright and early Saturday morning. Here's hoping they are hot and muscular and know how to use a lead pipe.



This deserves its own post. Saturday afternoon I received a call from my friend Charlie that I didn’t answer because I was in the car with E and I think it is rude to talk on the phone in a car when somebody else is present. Anyway, he left me a bizarre voice mail that said he was looking for somebody to hang out with that night, but I wasn’t supposed to tell anybody that he called. I was confused and alarmed by the tone of his voice so I went ahead and called him back.

As it turns out he was driving down Interstate 35 when he answered. He was clearly DRUNK and was speaking gibberish- it was like nothing I had ever heard. I asked him what he was doing and how much he had been drinking and he got defensive and wanted to know why I assumed he was drinking. I pointed out to him that he was calling me sunshine and he only does that when he was drunk – he said that he had only consumed 3 drinks. Lies.

I begged him to pull over – that I would head out immediately to come get him no matter where he was (I think he was about an hour away at the time.) He argued with me over and over that he was not drunk, he was fine to be driving, but I knew better.

He ended up hanging up on me out of frustration, but promised he would call me when he got home. I debated calling the police but I was not sure where he was and I don’t know anything about his car other than it is a black mustang. The thought of the potential danger to himself and others made me cry.

He never called.

I tried his cell repeatedly and finally called his roommate to see if he made it home. He had thank God.

According to the story he told his roommate he was heading off for the three hour trip to spend time with his family and decided to stop off at a liquor store about an hour in to the drive. He bought a fifth of Wild Turkey 101 and drank it in the car. He drank an entire fifth.

He doesn’t remember driving home, and was saying phrases like “go ahead and play a nine hole round of golf in my stomach if you would like, I really won’t mind” and “If they come looking for me tell them I’m here – you know, if the cops want to talk to me about anything.” He threw up on himself on their couch and then tried to continue along with the ‘conversation’ as if nothing happened. His roommate found an ear of corn still attached to the stalk (pulled from a field on the side of the road no doubt) and some fireworks – Charlie had no idea where they came from.

How in the world does one allow themselves to get that fucked up? I like to drink, and thought that sometimes I had drank too much, but I never have gotten to the point where I don’t remember the last few hours.

What it comes down to is that he is trying to kill himself. He was diagnosed with HIV about four years ago and he doesn’t want to live with the burden anymore. What sucks for those of us that love him is that he is responding very well to his treatment – his numbers have gotten very good in the last year. He also has issues dealing with the fact that he is gay. I have decided that I will not sit back and watch somebody that I care about die.

My core group of friends is hiring a professional and we are having an intervention to let him know if he doesn’t change his actions that he will be on his own. This is not the first time he has done this to me, I bailed him out of jail just 3 months ago for a DUI. He was already on probation for a road rage incident where he ran a man into a ditch on the side of the road a few months earlier.

Charlie is such a nice guy when he is not drinking. He has a childlike side to him that makes me want to take care of him and shelter him. He works very hard at his job and is as generous as it gets, but he is endangering so many innocent people with his reckless behavior.

I will let you know how it goes.

What a fun life I lead.

Thanks for listening.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

This is me being stupid....

Beer before liquor......


I'll be a lot of fun tomorrow.

Don't you hate it when people use "alot?" It drives me up the wall. Seriously - it's TWO WORDS.

Also "I could care less." You COULD care less????? So my behavior is not sooooo annoying then??? Are you sure that you could NOT care less? That might have more impact.

The best is irregardless. I have a VERY hard time with people who use this term. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. My friends use it on purpose just to annoy me to the point of rage.

These are the most boring observations/annoyances ever.

This from the wordsmithing queen..... right. I'm all over that these days.

OK- I'm going to try to sleep now. I hope I am not back at 3 am.


Well hello there..... (removing attention away from my boobs)

So this is what I am doing instead of working. Sounds like a good idea, no?

Items of Note from yesterday:

1. Met some friends for dinner/cocktails after working 11 hours. Quotes of note during dinner, see if you can catch the theme:
a. “I will suckle you right now if you would like.” Eric to me
b. “Maybe you could suckle me while she watches him jack off under the table?” Me to Eric regarding activities going on across the table
c. “Are we talking about sperm?” Me
d. “Hopefully one of my caretakers (when he’s old) will be a perv and will suck me off every once in a while.” Eric

2. I decided to develop a crush on the security guard in my work building knowing the following:
a. He doesn’t speak English very well
b. He makes less money than me and therefore breaks one of the ‘rules’ on the list right off the bat
c. He flirts (in his own odd way) with everything in a skirt

3. I stayed at my Mom’s house again for the following reasons:
a. Getting actual sleep tends to put me in a better mood and for some reason I am able to sleep there and not at my own house
b. I was too lazy to load up the dog and take him home
c. Mom always keeps sugar free fudge cycles in the freezer and I love them with all of my heart and I would have to go to the grocery store to have them at my house and I haven’t been to one in 2 months
d. Edwardo doesn’t know where she lives and I am not feeling the sex vibe right now (OMG I must be ill)

So yeah – that’s about it. I did learn that E is also not feeling the sex vibe either – we decided that we ‘broke’ each other when we had sex a few weeks ago. Is that possible? Too many O’s? I don’t know.

More later I’m sure.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

HNT Submission

More than you ever needed to see.... up close and personal.

here they are in the new bra that I mentioned purchasing last week. It has a nifty little diamond in the middle. Did you notice?

Please note the lovely cat scratch there on my right breast.... thanks so much Gracie.

Sorry about the angle - its not very easy to take a good boob shot with my shitty camera phone.

Boobs are fun.

This will not stay up long. Sorry to subject you to this gore ladies.

here they are Posted by Hello

Oh my.....

I stopped by my trusty biker bar for a much needed ego boost last night on the way home from work. All of my regulars were there – I had a great time and ended up staying a lot longer than I planned. I did stop drinking early (and after only 2 drinks- yea me.) I worked out a system with the bartender that she would distribute my free drinks that were lining up amongst my core group of friends and give me water (some of these people just won’t take no for an answer when it comes to buying drinks- even when I explained to them that I had to drive!)

The guys decided that I am the coolest girl ever because I’m not looking for a relationship (just the sex you know) and I love to talk about cars. Granted they were all pretty much old enough to be my father – but still I was way cool for a few hours!!

My favorite quote of the night was “Girl you need to go back and sit next to the single guys ‘cause I hate to get slapped!” He was feeling a bit bawdy.

Two are actively trying to set me up with their sons – I think that’s just creepy. I did offer to marry one guy because he has the best last name ever- Runs Through. How sweet would that be = Stephanie Runs Through (men, money – hours of fun to be had!) He said it was originally “Runs Through the Enemy” but the state made his family shorten it. Who knew they could do that.

After all of that I went home and gathered up my work clothes for today and grabbed my dog and headed over to my Mom’s house so that I could actually get a good night’s sleep. It worked – I feel refreshed and ready to go today. I even made it in to work on time.

Edwardo called about 10 and wanted to come over but I had given myself the perfect excuse for not seeing him since I was at Mom’s. He sounded a little bitter – I bet he drove by my house to see if my car was there. Hehe.

The boss man is not happy with me today- I might have to flash a little skin to make things right again. Maybe I will invite him out to happy hour- that will do the trick.

OK- y’all try to be good today

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

The list

A quote that I just found in my purse on a bar napkin...

"There are explicit rules about which tractors John can and cannot drive, and the muthafucker ain't gettin' into mine."

WTF? Was I hanging out with farm hands or were they truckers? The sad thing is I have no idea, but wouldn't rule out either.

I have discovered that Edwardo doesn't satisfy the minimum requirements to even hit "Fuck buddy" status. Would you like to see the criteria?

Here you go...

1. Has goals
2. Makes more money than me (I know - there is a reason for this)
3. Has wooing skills
4. Enjoys going out
5. Excellent sense of humor
6. Has a spine
7. Excels at the sex
8. Well groomed
9. Reasonable relationship expectations (no proposals after 2 dates)
7. Again with the excelling at sex
10. Gets along with my family/friends (or can pretend at least)

We worked out a percentage ranking system:

Meets 50% of criteria = fuck buddy
Meets 75% of criteria = long term potential
Meets 100% of criteria = probably doesn't exist, but if so then qualifies for 'other' which may or may not include marriage

Edwardo satisfies about 4 - 40% is not good.

I'm still 'prolly gonna let him come home with me. He always was good at the house work thing.... ;)


I have come to the conclusion that I will let Edwardo hang around for the next 2 weeks (just until I move) and I will not let him know where my new apartment is. Fair enough?

I girl needs sex you know. 'Specially this girl. Lusty I am.

Name that quote - he or she who names the most will win my undying devotion (and maybe a boobie pic.) Don't cheat you losers!! This idea was stolen from that cool chicken chick (hehe)

1. Let me just check on something. That is a giant cock....

2. He does dress better than I do, what would I bring to the relationship?

3. I'll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash ya got.

4. Oh that's cool baby. You know how it is, rockin' an' rollin' an' what not.

5. I like simple pleasures, like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That's just me. That's just something that I enjoy.

6. No! Not again! Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam! I swear to God one of these days I'm just going to kick this piece of shit out of the window.

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