The vacation continues.

There is a reason why I live alone. I don't like sharing cars, beds, towels and conversation before 10 am.

I like leaving something on the counter and being able to find it again in two hours. I like being able to come in at 2 am without having to be super quiet.

I like to sleep in silence, sans snoring (besides my own or that of someone who has fucked me properly.)

Perhaps going on vacation with my mom and sister was so very much not a good idea. Exactly how many botanical gardens am I expected to go to before it becomes acceptable for me to rake at my eyes with my fingernails in hopes of a quick trip to the hospital to get in out of the elements?

At least Pixel and I have an understanding, if one of us seems annoyed then we probably are and it is best to split up, it's just a skill that we have perfected over the years. It works for us. Them not so much.

I went to great legnths to protect my Anna Sui loose powder on the trip - I packed it in layers and layers of protection and put it in my carry on, I secured a special place in the bathroom for it and informed the others in the room where it was and to be careful. What happened you ask? The maid spilled the entire contents on the bathroom floor. The fucking bathroom floor. $40 powder. Oh well.

We have one more full day then it's back on the plane and back to the real world. The Suit says me misses me very much and come to think of it I miss him too. But I think I miss Paul equally, so what does that tell you?

We have ice skated (my first time,) been on a suspension bridge in the forest that would take your breath away (quite literally,) have seen whales and sharks, been to some killer gardens (lots and lots of them,) eaten in Chinatown, been to a ski resort, an archeology museum and lots of great clubs and lots of other stuff as well. (There you go Stairwell, we have done more than seduce Canadian men.)

More tomorrow....

More Canada

Canada is still fun but I am horribly sick so I had to stay in last night. I like to call it the "Canadian Moose Bird flu" (I have seen no moose much to my chagrin.) The copious amounts of DayQuil are helping however.

I have seen my first real snow of my life (Texas 'snow' does not compare) and I am very excited about it.

I have hung out with lumberjack, sheet metal workers, and have been given a free cab ride for a promise of a double date (we were assholes and didn't call him.)

The Texas thing goes over very well here, as do the cleavagie shirts, who would have thought it?

More later I'm sure.

Canadia (that's what we are calling it now)

So much fun. You should all come here and join us. Right now.

Again I say muhahahahaha.

What is the best quote ever you ask?

"I'm not the most difficult girl to get in bed, let's face it. When it comes down to it i'd rather fuck than be nice. It's true" ~Pixel

Rarrrrrr

Holy crap, Canadian men are fun.

Last night is currently being referred to as "the best night ever," but our goal is to top that tonight.

To those of you who I met last night, thanks for the good time. Don't read any of my archives, it will only scare you.

Muhahahaha.

Texas Tornado

OK I'll admit it, I spent some time with Pablo last night. Nothing happened beyond some mild flirting, but I had a great time. He had a flat on his Navigator so I watched him change the tire and then we just stood around and talked. He is super sweet, a little bit shy and terribly cute. He will be taking my dog on Wednesday (literally, that is not some bad analogy.)

I have plans with coworkers then Paul tonight, dinner and whatever else with The Suit on Wednesday, Thanksgiving festivities on Thursday then we are off to Vancouver from Friday until the following Friday. Busy busy.

Pablo and I made plans to hang out after I get back from vacation.

The Suit is pushing me to come over and meet his family on Thursday, but I think I shall decline for now. He is growing on me more and more, even with his girly talk about feelings and all of that crap. It is nice to have a man tell you he wants you every day, someone who cant wait to show you off to his family and friends. He knows how introducing an interracial partner can be sticky, but he is ready to push forward. It's endearing. Shut up, that doesn't make me girly. Take that back right now.

So Vancouver. Do we all understand that if Pixel and I survive it will be a miracle? No wait, let me amend that, do we all understand if the men of Canada survive it will be a miracle? Texas tornado's, oh yes we are.

More later.

Mommieeeee

Pablo calls me Mommieeeee with that sexy lilt that I remember so fondly from my vacation in Miami last year. Rarrrrrrrr.

I know he's only 22, but can I not play just a little? Just a little bit? Pleaseeee?

The Suit wants to 'define' our relationship and is immensely worried about my fidelity while I'm on vacation. He should worry about my fidelity on Tuesday when Paul comes back in town more.

I am growing fond of the way he calls me "his girl" however.

We have a big work happy hour tomorrow night, libations for everyone. I have to make sure I look super cute for the event, as I am saving money for the trip to Vancouver and would like to have my drinks purchased for me by strangers. Shut up, you other women do the same thing, and you men would too if you could get away with it.

The cop next door complained about my dog again, so I am in the process of finding him a new home. :( I shall be a sad girl when he is gone.

That is all, move along.

Quotes from Saturday night

"You stunned him in to silence with your tongue ring and I drive him insane. Damn we are good." -Pixel

"I'm not a parking lot kind of girl." -Me (haha)

"God I want to see you naked." -Steve a married guy at the bar

"You girls are the most fun I can have without cheating on my wife." -Marty, another married guy at the bar

"Don't threaten me with a good time." -DJ at the bar when I joked about a 3some

"When I die from breaking my neck in these heels please tell everybody how tiny they made my feet look." Me to The Suit

"I can't believe I flashed those guys at the bar." Me to Pixel

Good times, good times. Thanks for helping us wrap up the night Shumpy. Putting up with the two of us at closing time could not have been easy I'm sure. ;)

Happy Monday. :( Work sucks, send money.

Nada

I really don't have anything to say.

The Suit doesn't have any time for me and is therefore that much more attractive. No, I'm not fucked up at all.

It is Friday morning and I don't have any plans for the weekend. The Suit is trying to tell me he can fit me in after 2 am tonight when he finishes his dj gig. Nice huh? Fit me in? Moi?

Anywho, y'all have a good weekend. I will try to have some adventures to report to ya on Monday.

Gross

My horriblescope from today:

"Venus, planet of love, and Mars, planet of action, are in a great harmony today. If you have been considering reuniting with an ex, or are in the early stages of a new love, this is one day where the zodiac favors passion. Are you in love yet?"

Gross. Perhaps I should avoid men today.

Still Pissy

So here I am at work, again. It seems like I just left, perhaps that is because I just left. I worked another 13 hours yesterday, so there are no adventures from last night to speak of. I went home, watched 30 minutes of a movie and went to bed. The world of finance can be exhausting. Shut up, it is so.

Let me tell you of the Monday night snafu. So I decided to go out with Paul despite his bizarre behavior, so I jumped in the shower about 10:30. When I got out I heard a knocking on the door, so I wrapped a towel around myself and went to see who it was. It turned out to be the new man-child that moved in a few doors down a few weeks ago – the one who asked me if I was ‘spoken for.’ He was standing there in a suit looking a little apprehensive, so my first thought was that something was wrong, so I cracked the door open a bit and said hi, modestly hiding my toweled body behind the door.

He said that he could see he caught me at a bad time (the wet hair gave me away,) but he wanted to see if I had a few beers he could buy since the liquor store was closed. I lied and told him I didn’t have any (since I was naked and all) and he started to walk away.

Before I could get the door closed my lovely dog zoomed in from my bedroom and charged the door, slipping out before I could stop him. I panicked, opened the door, stepped out and dropped the towel to my waist before I realized that I should probably not be outside topless.

He caught the dog and delivered him back to me, but not before he (and the rest of the neighborhood) got an eyeful of boobies.

He was embarrassed, I thought it was funny as hell.

That was all so very me. I hope he doesn’t start coming by every night hoping for a repeat show.

Must work. Bastards.

Ranty McRant

Hold on kiddos, here I go.

Let’s start with the fact that I worked from 8 am to 8:30 pm yesterday, while all of my coworkers were blissfully going on with their mundane lives of picking up kids and making school lunches. These are the same peers who all left at 2 pm on Friday while I got to work until 6. This would be a nice case of ‘let’s make the new(ish) girl take up all of the slack.’ Bastards. Little do they know how quickly I burn through the ranks and get promotions. They will all be working for me very soon without any doubt.

So I get home and strap on my running shoes to blow off some steam with Zuesy Bear. We go to the neighborhood next to my apartments and are walking down the middle of the road when some asshole stops me and says “I just wanted to remind you that in this neighborhood we pick up our dog’s poo.” Now mind you I am walking in the middle of the road, nowhere near any grass at all. I felt like telling him “Look asshole, you can tell me when and where my dog can shit the second you grow some of your hair back, lose 50 lbs, add about six inches to that tiny dick of yours and bend me over the side of the couch and fuck me like a real man – then and only then can you tell me what to do. Oh, and speech therapy might help with the lisp cock sucker. Fuck you very much.” My dog would rather gnaw his own paw off than take a crap on concrete – I would be the much more likely candidate to do that – don’t think I didn’t consider it for just a second. It’s a good think I have that one little shred of pride left.

Speaking of dog poo and things that suck (that would be me) – can somebody please provide me with a good reason why I should not save my pennies to pay to have the Black-eyed Peas assassinated? Really, tell me now. If I hear that motherfucking My Humps song one more time I cannot be held responsible for any murderous rage I may fly in to. “My lovely lady lumps?” Really? This is the best they could come up with? How about the scathingly brilliant line of “What you gon’ do wit all that breast?” I’ll tell you what I’m gon’ do with ‘em, I’m going to use them to smother myself next chance I get.

Cuban Boy called last night – he was asking for his DVD’s back. He knows the rules about all porn left at my house becomes mine to distribute as I see necessary. I told him I had nothing of his, except for that huge chunk of his heart that he left on my bedroom floor. Idiot.

Last, but so very much not least, there was Paul. He sends me a text message asking what I am doing. I say nothing, he says he is at the bar with a friend, I say cool, he says yes, I ask if he is inviting me to join or just taunting and he returns with you can join if you want. If I want? My reply was “could you be any more non-committal?” Again I say idiot.

That is all for now. I have a funny story from last night but I don’t want it to water down my bitching, so I will save it for later this week.

Y’all have a good motherfucking Tuesday.

Yum

This is the cake I got for my sister's birthday yesterday:

Aren't you sad I am not your sister?

Oh the things I could do with some of that frosting and the right naked person....

In other news, due to the assholish thing Pixel’s date did to her this weekend I will now be becoming a lesbian.

I will accept applications for my new lesbian lover between the hours of 7-11:30 pm. Frosting optional. No wait, bring the frosting.

That is all.

No items of note

Nothing fantastic to report from this weekend, all in all it was very blah.

I did meet a nice guy named Pablo Friday night - he has potiential, the only probelms are he is all of 22 years old and he has a child. What can you do?

I received two text messages from EB (who I have not spoken to in over a month.) The first one was last night and it said "Go outside and look up at the sky" and the second was this morning and said "Whatever I did I'm sorry."

Have I mentioned what a jerk I am? Yeah, I feel a little bad about this one.

More later.

It has been done

Without having to tell any lies, I finally had sex with The Suit. All I can say is meh.

I suppose he has potential, but I got to field questions afterwards like "what do you think our kids would look like" and "are you falling in love with me?"

Gag.

I should have known better.

My responses were "what the hell are you talking about" and "I don't fall in love."

And then I had to stay the night and get up pre-dawn to make the hour long drive home to get ready for work.

Bah.

HNT

You really can't go wrong posting a wicked scar for HNT can you?

This beauty is on my right thigh, it came from an incident involving me, the dog and some bushes. There may or may not have been alochol involved.

Isn't it pretty? Wow I look really pale in this picture, perhaps because I am really pale? I need to get more sun on those puppies.

I also have a scar on my knee that just won't seem to go away. I wonder where I go that from....

Men

Last night’s text message conversation
“Let me know if you wanna fuck/drink later.” -me
“Sure, 10.” -Paul
“Sure to the fucking or the drinking?” -me
“Both” –Paul

So there you have it.

We went out with Pixel and her brother for the libations- back to the house for the fucking.

There was a model search at one of the bars and free beer. There was also a very uncomfortable conversation about how I only like men who don’t seem to want me, because Paul didn’t have enough insight into how fucked up I am before, right? More fuel for his ‘we’re just friends’ fire that is driving me crazy.

There was also a lot of mocking because a very nice Italian man came up to me and kept gushing “oh my gosh, you are so pretty” over and over. Paul turned it into a little song complete with a bad accent, he even managed to work it in to the bedroom later in the night.

I screwed up and sent The Suit a text message telling him I was going to bed while I was at the bar – of course he called right back and wanted to chat for a second. I had some explaining to do this morning. Men.

Could I be any more pissy?

I think not.

At least this makes me smile:


I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you want to read about my sexploits you have to put up with pictures of my fur babies.

Is she not the cutest thing in the world? In her natural habitat, trying to keep me from reading (she's pretty sure that books are the devil.)

The weekend (be sure not to miss that last little tidbit down there)

Things I found interesting from this weekend:

~ I planned on spending the weekend with The Suit but instead all I got was lunch on Saturday and dinner/sleepover Sunday. He chose work over me Saturday night.

~ I sent Paul a text message Saturday night telling him my plans had fallen through and asking if he had anything fun going on and he sent me one back that said he didn’t like being my second choice. Please remember that we are still sticking to the ‘just friends’ routine, so his attitude was completely out of left field.

~ I discovered the joy of making my own greeting cards and am now obsessed. Please, somebody give me an occasion and I will make a card!!!

~ EB continues to send me text messages that I don’t respond to. One this weekend asked “did I do something wrong?” The problem is he did not do anything wrong, I am just an asshole.

~ The Suit and I have still not had sex. The reason? He won’t have sex with anybody who is fucking anybody else, so until I can commit to not dating/fucking others he will not give me the goods. You should have seen what I wore to bed last night to try to lure him in….. he has a lot of resolve apparently.

The fugitive

The Suit is in love and I am not.

This will be a problem.

My dog (the bastard that he is) tried to run away this weekend. I found him happily frolicking with a beautiful Great Dane and her daddy Eric. We have a 'play date' scheduled for the babies. Muhahahaha.

What good is a fugitive dog if for nothing else than getting me dates? He looks so defiant in this picture, taken when we got back from his little excursion.

I might talk about the weekend later..... must work.

I am not dead....

Although it was touch and go there for a while.

I had what I like to call MCBF (Mad Cow Bird Flu.) OK, so maybe it was a wicked stomach virus, whatever, I wanted to die.

I sent text messages like "Food poisoning is the new Weight Watchers, 'cause I'm never eating again." (I thought I had food poisoning, which was going to give me reason to never cook again, but alas I was wrong.)

I begged the dog to go get me some Sprite, but he simply refused. The bastard. He is dead to me (ok maybe not, but dammit he should be able to handle getting a Sprite out of the Coke machine.)

I wanted to go to the doctor/ER/anywhere that would make the vomiting stop, but I could not get out of bed. I could not shower; I was too weak to pick up a book to read to pass the time. At one point I had a temperature of 102.7 - that would be the point at which I start hallucinating apparently, because I had a conversation with my father's skeleton about something.

But I am better now. Mostly. I haven't been able to eat anything at all since Tursday.

I went over and stayed the night at The Suit's last night, nothing sexy, just somebody to hold me all night and tell me I am pretty even when I am all icky and pale and weak. We came up with a new term - Fust- it is that combination of friendship and lust that you feel at the beginning of a new relationship. I think we are going to spend the weekend together. Why not?

I must get to the hundreds of emails in my work inbox. Fun stuff.

And one more thing.....

I got this email after lunch:

"Being around you makes me feel special, you’re such a sweetheart. Lunch was great."

I have him totally fooled.

Paul to the rescue

I asked Paul if I could take a picture of his penis with my camera phone at the bar last night and he refused. I promptly called him a pussy with no sense of adventure and he said “dude I fucked you in an alley, how much more adventurous do you want me to be?”

We found out later that night as we pulled in to the parking lot of a club on Greenville Avenue and parked between a child molester van and another SUV and had sex in the backseat as a couple in the SUV next to us watched. Now that’s what I’m taking about.

I walked in to a bar to meet him and saw somebody from my recent past sitting at the bar. Not just any somebody, but THE somebody that always mattered most. My blood ran cold and I bolted out the door like my hair was on fire (heaven forbid.) Paul got the call, my ex is here and unless you feel like kicking some ass you had better pick another bar.

Motherfucker. I liked that bar and the cheap drinks it had to offer on Monday’s.

I hatehatehate that I walked in there alone- we should have returned there so I could show off my pretty boy. I know he saw me – we held eye contact for a few seconds. He doesn’t even deserve to know I’m alive.

Hey, you know what S, if you are still reading this, as far as you know I am dead. Stop reading my fucking blog.

I have a lunch date with The Suit today- we are going fancy even though I told him it’s not necessary, I’m just not that high maintenance. I had a dream last night about the whole elevator incident, but it went far beyond the passionate kiss we shared. I think I shall tell him all about it over lunch, and if he’s lucky he will catch a flash of the tops of my thigh high stockings as well. I make a good tease when I want to.

Text message I sent to E last night: “Uganda guy called, Matt texted and the new neighbor came by and yet here I sit with Pinker (the cat) ‘cause I’m a freak.” Paul to the rescue.