Dude is so grounded.....

Holy Crap

Well, at least I can say with all confidence that I never scared my mother by skipping school and heading out for a war torn counrty. Or did I........

Bored at work

I am bitterly disappointed because I wanted to go to the Cross Canadian Ragweed concert tonight but the damn thing is sold out. Shut up, I’m allowed to like country music, I do live in Texas after all.

I had a conversation with somebody earlier this week that went something like this:

“Don’t put that porn in, you know there is a rule against you watching porn in my house.”
“Rule, what rule?”
“The rule put in place after ‘the incident.’”
“Pshaw, but Dion has never seen your porn collection.”
“I don’t care, he can go home and watch his own porn. What made you think I would want to watch porn with him anyway, I just met him tonight.”
“Hey, how about you give us a little head instead?”
“Us? You are trying to get yourself and your friend laid? I already told you I would never, ever fuck you. Think 'the world is ending and we need someone to populate yet she still says no.' Somebody needs to lay off of the crack.”
“You know I sell that, right?”
“We’re going to the bar and you are buying all of my drinks.”
“Allright 'lil mama.”
“You so will never, ever see me naked.”
“Ok.”

I cannot wait for people I actually like hanging out with to get back in town.

HNT

My blogging circle has collided with someone very undesireable from the past. All I can say is ewwwwwww.

Os asked that we post our fav HNT entry, so here you go:

Items of Note from my hiatus

My mother was admitted into ICU for a week with what was called a ‘cardiac event’ that turned in to ‘you have lung cancer’ that turned in to ‘we don’t know what the hell is wrong with you.’ She is now home ‘resting’ (doing restful things like cleaning out the garage and picking up the leaves.) She feels ok for the most part.

The Suit and I attempted to ‘just be friends’ and he then proceeded asked me for sex. We have only had a few short, guarded conversations since.

Paul and I saw each other the week after Thanksgiving and he was acting weird and asking a bunch of questions about The Suit. I purposely failed to mention that I had broken up with The Suit. He told me that we was going to ‘be very busy’ over the holidays so I assumed that meant we were done. He sent me a text message X-mas eve that said Merry Xmas and that he would see me when he gets back in town. I don’t know where we stand.

The minion that I mentioned from a few weeks back freaked out and sent me a message that said ‘lose my number’ because I playfully chastised him about his obsession with my breasts. That was easy.

I never called the Santa entry in my phone.

I was asked for my id last night while purchasing Nyquil. You only have to be 18 to buy this drug, I told the lady she was crazy and she said ‘no id, no Nyquil.’

The vet’s assistant told me that I looked like the finished product on What Not To Wear. That was one of the nicest compliments I’ve received in a long time.

Gasp

I pick the dog up from the vet at 5 and I am expected to pay around $400 so they can run fancy tests on his floppy little ears and his big watery eyes.

Oh. My. Gawd.

I am very glad he refused to let them take his tempature now. Damn the man he said, damn the man.

They were going to kill him today....

So I now have a new dog.

His name is Sammy and he is a beautiful 10 YO Cocker Spaniel that is as sweet as they come.

The animal shelter attendant cried when I told her that I would take him home with me. He had been there a long time because everybody that comes in there wants a puppy.

He was dirty and stinky and tugs at the leash like a madman, but he loves to have his big floppy ears rubbed and will do just about anything for a belly rub. He is completely deaf and doesn't know what to think about my cat.

He snores very loudly and stole my new super-soft blanket off of my bed at some point last night, but he loves to go outside and his whole body wags when I pick up his leash.

He cleaned up very nicely, it turns out that he has beautiful silky hair. We have an appointment with the vet this afternoon to begin treatment on what I am sure is Kennel Cough. If he has heartworms you can all count on a PayPal account being added here in the next few weeks.

Just what y'all wanted, more pictures of my furbabies.

I'll be back for real soon.

Paul comes back in town today. Muhahahaha.

Hiatuis

The Suit has resumed communications and now thinks that we can be friends. We had coffee together yesterday afternoon and talked on the phone last night.

I am on the fence about how this will work out. On the one hand I would like to have a good, solid male friend, but the logical part of me says this is his way of trying to get things back to where they were. There will be no getting things back to where they were, do not fret.

I'm now on blogging hiatuis. Have a wonderful holiday season.

Holy crap- get a fucking life (and no I will not call you)

"Anonymous said...
tick tick tick... You need help !!You lost your father and best friend and your an emotionally shut down person.When your down you seek comfort with your booze "NOT GOOD" and doormats !!! YES I said doormats !!!! You use sex as a tool...get over it...Your shit is not gold...What do you think your Dad is thinking upstairs????? Damn, when I lose my Best Friend and Father I will do my best to make him proud and not rebel....grow up !!!!!! Now go lose yourself in booze and sex and make your Daddy proud....tick tick tick....Boom!!!!!

Anonymous said...
Yes !!!! you will have the balls to call me 214-914-$$$$"

You, sir, are a freak.

Knowing my Dad I'm sure he would say "right on."

Funfunfun

The office party Friday night was lots of fun. We started drinking at 2 pm, didn't stop until midnight.

Saturday night's party was not so fun, but the group outing afterwards was a blast.

Inventory of my purse the morning after:
1 silver lighter from Denmark that is decidedly not mine
1 brownie of an unknown origin
2 inch long plastic penis party favors, pink and blue
1 candle holder from Mikasa
5 Hershey's kisses
7 new phone numbers, five in my phone and two on paper. One of the numbers in my phone says 'Santa.' Pixel says I should call that one first.

There was one guy that was hitting on me that was such a pushover I said "Hey minion go get me that guy over there in the cowboy hat" - and he did. When he called me last night to ask me out and I suggested we meet at the same bar here is what he had to say-

"I can't go there with you and run the risk of another rogue group of Santa's showing up and you making out with half of them again."

Point taken, but to my credit I made out with less than 10% of them.

So I went out with the minion but things just aren't going to work out in Pixel's opinion because I told her he was 'nice.' There is nothing wrong with 'nice,' but there is something wrong with a 34 year old man who has 420 tattooed on his arm in 2 inch tall letters (he was wearing long sleves when we met.) I do have to give him credit for having the balls to suggest we meet at the porn shop for our first date, but I'm pretty sure that was the hit of crystal meth he had apparently done talking.

I was good last night because two pretty men were tempting me to ditch my date and go with them to the bar next door, but it was late and I did not see much of my beloved bed this weekend, so I declined.

Yeah me, I think I deserve a brownie.



(Stolen from Os who stole it from.....)

I'm back

I'm feeling better today despite the arrival of my first ever tooth ache.

I did a little shopping with my coworkers for a child we adopted, we had a good time.

I have two work holiday parties this weekend that I am actually looking forward to. We don't do the whole cheesy office party thing, they are both at swanky houses of VPs.

Y'all have a great weekend and be safe.

The breakup

It has been done and I feel like an asshole.

He was so excited that we were going to be spending the better part of two days together that it made me want to vomit, so I sat him down and I told him that he has been putting too much pressure on me to make a commitment that I was not ready for.

He cried, I apologized over and over and told him that I felt that my intentions had never been misleading. I told him from day one that I was going to continue dating other people and that I was not interested in finding somebody to settle down with, he just repeatedly chose not to hear what I was saying. He acknowledged that was true, but he could not just date somebody who was dating other people.

He told me that he was a good catch and that I should be ashamed of myself for not wanting what every other woman in the world wants. I let him know that I think that is what attracted him to me in the first place, my having a different attitude about relationships.

*Sigh*

So I'm feeling pretty bad about me right now.

In a stunning lack of judgment I polished off an entire bottle of Crown Royal after he left (no small feat for sure.) I thought of y'all and my HNT commitments, so here is my ode to The Suit:

It's my dad.

I had a dream last night that we had another funeral for him because for some reason his body had to exhumed. This go around we buried him in Canada (go figure.)

I assume I had this dream since he was what I was thinking about before I went to bed- thinking about how much Christmas is going to suck without him there. I sat down to think about what I was going to need to shop for and he was the first name I wrote down because he was always the easiest to buy for, slippers and a few DVD's and he was a happy man, especially over the last few years when he was happy just to get to hang out with us.

I don't want to decorate my house, I don't want to go to stores that are selling Christmas items, I don't want to see all of the houses brightly lit up. Why should we be allowed to go on like normal when he isn't here to see it too?

One of our traditions was that the four of us (Mom, Dad, Sister and myself) would always get together on Christmas eve and have a little family party complete with fancy food and drinks. We would open our gifts and watch Christmas movies and just hang out, even when my parents split a few years back we still kept up the tradition. My parents never said a disparaging word about each other despite the horrific circumstances that caused their split, that evening was always the same.

Thinking about this last year I wondered what the hell I have to be thankful and joyous about. I lost him, I no longer have my male best friend of the last 10 years, my core group of friends has been ripped to shreds and I am left sitting over here by myself. Actually not alone, I am saddled with a man that I don't want and another that I want but isn't worth fighting for because what's the point? He will be like all the rest.

The weather here is getting bad (by our standards) and we are all being sent home. The Suit asked if he could stay over tonight since I live so close to the office and I tried to say no but just couldn't. I don't want any company, especially him. Oh well.

Wish us luck.

Morose

I debated about posting this, but I figured I went to the trouble of jotting it down last night so I might as well put it out there. Those of you that don’t already think I’m a horrible person are about to….

Is it too much to ask that when we are wandering around the video store and you see me downcast my eyes and whisper “that was my Dad’s favorite movie” that you acknowledge it with a simple “I’m sorry” or “would you like to get that?”

The dreams that you chase seem silly to me, and I long to tell you but never will.

Sometimes I think “he seemed cuter when I gave him my card.”

I think of someone else when I’m with you. I approach you and put my arms around you and kiss you, but it’s never you I see.

Is it too much to ask that you don’t discuss my breasts with your coworkers? Did you tell them that I have a brain as well? Did you even bother?

I didn’t miss you while I was away. I kissed three strangers with a passion that you have never seen, and didn’t give you a second thought while I was doing it.

I see the way you stare at me when you think I’m not looking and it saddens me that I will never look at you that way. Never.

You left your shirt at my house and I wasn’t tempted to put it on just to be near you.

I hope you won’t call but you always do.

You are not as good in bed as he is because you never even asked what I like. He does.

When you tell me that you love it when you can still smell me on your pillow it makes me want to not come over anymore.

Damn - apparently I need a happy pill or two. Quick. somebody tell me a joke....

New focus

I am now planning on focusing my attention on getting this filly in my bed as a part of my new lesbian lifestyle.

Hey, I might as well aim high, right?

Rarrrrrr. Yes, she shall be mine.

I just got the following email from The Suit:

"Hey babe, good news, I got a raise and I will be making $500-$1,000 more a month in commission. The first thing I thought when they told me was there would be more money to spend on you."

Oh gosh. I really have to do this soon.

It’s just not going to work out….

I have to break things off with The Suit ASAP. I tried to be patient, really I did. I put up with the constant calls, the incessant need for reassurance, the fucking eye gazing.

The proverbial straw breaking that big, strong camel’s back happened this morning when he got up pre-dawn and began singing in the shower. I am NOT a morning person and it was really early and I was obviously not going to get out of bed when he did, yet he did it anyway. Oh, and he peed with the door open, a giant no-no in my book at any stage in a relationship.

First thing this morning he IMed me and told he that he appreciated the dinner I cooked (read ‘heated’) and he looks forward to more ‘cozy’ nights like that going forward.

Son of a bitch. Why can’t they just leave well enough alone? If a guy is lucky enough to get me to suck his dick, why, oh why can’t he just simply say thank you and move on about his business?

He brought up marriage again last night. We have been going out for less than two fucking months, what the hell? No matter how many times I tell him that I am not ready to just date him, how I am not looking for someone to marry he just won’t get it. He is constantly pushing me to meet his parents and friends.

I’m done, I’m joining a lesbian gang. That’s right, a gang. If I’m going, I’m going all in. Next time you see me I will have various tiara tattoos and will be flashing my gang signs left and right (you can imagine what those will be on your own.) I am going to miss the dick, but what can you do?

That is all for now. Carry on.

Well look who's back

And I'm not happy about it one bit.

The only good thing about being back is I had two men who were very happy to see me, men I can actually have sex with (as opposed to all of those Canadian morsels of hotness that I denied myself.)

I met up with The Suit yesterday during the day and we went out to lunch and did coupely things (sans fucking because I was feeling a little bitchy about the whole 'end of vacation' thing.) He is planning on coming over to my house and staying tonight, this will be the first time I have allowed him to come over - now that's what I call progress. What, you think it's odd that we've been dating for like 2 months and he hasn't come over yet?

I went out with Paul last night, he is the only person besides Pixel who can know the whole story on the 'wildest night ever.' We had a very nice time, he finally proved that he is indeed human (I had my doubts) by admitting that he loves all of those cheesy claymation Christmas movies. He is such a big, strong manly man that it makes me all gooey inside to think of him watching the Grinch movie. I think I missed him most while I was gone, who would have thought it? :) He gave me the most passionate kiss ever when we left my house this morning. He must have forgotten who he was with, as I don't do the kissing thing with him. Most unusual.

I suppose I shall get back to the 438 work emails that are staring at me.

Y'all be good.

Wildest night ever

Whereas Saturday night was 'the best night ever' last night was 'the wildest night ever.' Ever.

I cannot disclose any information for fear of retribution, let's just say that some of theses Canadian men know how to party like rock stars, and rock stars we were right up until 4 am.

We cannot even attempt to top the events of last night. OK, so we are still going to try tonight seeing as how it is our last night here.

Wish them luck (the boys up here that is.)