Items of Note

"Sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary." -Hilary Faye

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Emotionally unavailable.

Oh yes, without a shred of doubt I can tell you that I am, but the thought I had while driving home last night after my friends gently told me that I need help (yes I do and I appreciate the concern) is does making yourself emotionally available make you less likely to consider colliding with a tanker truck while you are driving down the freeway? From what I recall the answer to that is no, as a matter of fact that thought surfaces more frequently when I am involved with somebody.

I can recall many, many times when I was engaged that I would be driving home after speaking to my significant other and thought “is any of this worth the pain?“ Obviously in that instance it was not, we are not together anymore. How many couples ‘make it?’ It’s a rarity at best. Why bother? Do the good times outweigh the bad? Who’s to say?

I see people that hold out that hope that the next person they date will be the perfect one that they can spend the rest of their lives with, and each time their hopes are dashed within days, weeks, months- whatever. Again I ask, why bother? If all roads lead to divorce and breakups, then why even bother getting in the car?

You optimists argue all you want- true love and blahblahblah, show me some proof. Nothing is forever.

I actually don’t know that I want my view to change to be honest with you. Everybody is different, right? What if living my life like I am is right for me? Society says that I need to be a part of a couple, but perhaps that’s just not me?

I will go and I will pose these questions to somebody who is qualified to answer them, I will argue my case and if I am crazy (who knows) then I will do whatever it takes to do the right thing for myself mentally. Are my Prozac days to come?

Somebody has to be the crazy cat lady.

Oh, and Courtney Love has been renamed “Wretched scab covered whore.”

And I have been named “the quiet one’ in our circle of friends (you know it’s bad news when I’m the quiet one) – there is also ‘the frisky one’ and ‘huh?’ I’m really glad I’m not ‘huh?’


At 12:09 PM, Blogger Stairwell said...

The problem is that the thought should surface LESS when you're involved. Otherwise you're doing it wrong.

Just for the record, there's a HUGE difference between being emotionally unavailable and just not giving a crap. For example, I'm emotionally available, I just don't want to make the required effort right now.

And every group of people should have a "huh?". The Beatles had Ringo, the Brat Pack had Andrew McCarthy, the current cabinet has multiple (ba-da-ba). It's a great idea. Goes along with the theory, if you don't know which friend is the "huh?", it's probably you.

At 12:31 PM, Blogger Dr. Syn said...

Here's my 2p. worth......If you are content with your life now, tell society to take a hike. If you're happy then don't worry & be true to yourself. Being the "quiet one" is much better than always being called the "designated driver." As for the "Prozac Days", who knows. where is my Lexapro?

At 1:08 PM, Blogger The Funky Bee said...

Don't we all hope for happiness? I consider myself a pescimist and I have never been one to give relationships the benefit of the doubt, until now.

I come from four parents - all of whom are on their second marriage. I have the most fucked up, disfunctional, extended, weird family but hey, some times you just need to find the right one - OR NOT. Not wanting to be with anyone is perfectly fine IF that is truly how you feel and not just what you're telling yourself because you don't want to be hurt. Sometimes you have to go through the pain to get to the good stuff and it sounds like you've already gone throuhg the pain so why not look for some good? You deserve to be happy Steph and it seems like you're not letting yourself get there (and by happy I don't mean just with a guy - that is irrelevant some times).

I do personally think I've found the right person. We've dated almost 8 years and we KNOW that we are meant to be together. I hope and pray that it never ends, in the breakup/divorce sense...And I hope that everyone has the opportunity to find happiness like I have with a partner - if of course that's what they want!

I think talking to someone is a great idea Steph. Even if it's just to argue your case! and I say BRING ON THE DRUGS...okay, sorry that wasn't very helpful or supportive was it? There's nothing wrong with drugs...

At 3:12 PM, Blogger ago-go said...

my parents were married for almost 37 years when my dad died. unless they were faking it, they were really in love. am i wrong to want that too?

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At 4:20 AM, Blogger katarina said...

I agree with all of these smart people. There is such a thing as true love. Those freinds I visited this weekend were 80 and 82. They've been married for over 60 years and love each other as much as they ever did. I have more examples if you want them.
I think you are pushing it away so you don't get hurt again. I know this because I do it too.
I just want you to be happy. Your blogging undertones suggest to me that you need more. I want you to have that.

At 7:55 AM, Blogger MollyNormal said...

"If all roads lead to divorce and breakups, then why even bother getting in the car"

Best. sentence. ever.

I'm probably the wrong person to comment on emotional availability, but the way I see it -- when you're ready to become emotionally available, you will. Don't let anyone tell you that you are fucked up or that you need therapy or whatever. If you are happy with things as they are, fuck the rest of them and their emotional bullshit. It's YOUR life. Live it as you see fit.

Remind me -- what's wrong with EB?

At 2:46 PM, Blogger Jeffadmi said...

You need to read the Bible for Men: Vol 1 Women Friends and Male Power.. Ide link it for you, but ehh..
anyhow, maybe a movement you need to join in on. At least seems that you can be friends and be happy with out the relationship stuff..


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