Items of Note

"Sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary." -Hilary Faye

Monday, January 09, 2006

Fun with email on company time.....

Pixel: And I have fat arms.

Moi: Not my best picture either, come to think of it none of us look really great. It’s a conspiracy I say, a conspiracy.

I do not have the slightest interest in being here today. Must go home, must drink (maybe- I got really drunk last night but felt surprisingly well this morning.)

I really need to find a new friend with benefits, Paul just isn’t cutting it. If he does not call tonight or tomorrow night (his days off) I will be forced to kill him, but only after sleeping with his brother and best friend first. A girl has needs, needs that are not being met, and that have not been met this year. OMG. That’s 9 days, counting NYE 10. OMG. I might actually physically die. Die I tell you, then won’t he feel bad about himself?? Ha, that will teach him.

Who’s leg do I have to hump to get a bottle of water delivered to my desk around here? I need a work minion, that’s the ticket.

I’m going to put an ad on Craigslist that says “Cool girl looking for Paul’s replacement in North Dallas. To be true to his character you must be totally selfish, hard to get a hold of, stingy with the compliments, and super cute and big and strong.”

Think that will work?

Bah @ the world.

I am afraid that ad would work frighteningly well. Post it, let’s see the weirdos come out of the wood work. Might help the day pass faster at least.

Today is so freaking boring. I am struggling to come up with something to do that will take me outside the office. It is so boring here. I can go to Vancouver not only for no money, but with only taking two vacation days. Rock on. C is hooking me up with a hotel room, so I don’t even have to stay with him if I don’t want to.

Attorney wants to move my divorce date to Thursday. Doesn’t he know this must be done as soon as possible. Oh well, he is free. Although he mentioned me bringing money to the courts. What else could they possibly need?

I also drank too much last night, threw up and felt fine this morning. Ha, I beat the bad consequences, well almost, that proves drinking is not bad.

There is a new country song out determined to prove that all people who listen to country music are idiots, damn them. It is called Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk. Not sure on the spelling since it is a made up word.

My MP3 players holds four songs. Five if they are all short.

And I made cookies, can you believe it, from scratch.

I am not staying in at all this weekend. I might even sleep outside.

I cannot believe you are really going to go to Vancouver to be with a stranger that has a coke problem. You are a complete weirdo. The best we can hope for is that his freezer is full from the last American girl he hacked up and he will have no room to store your body parts, and therefore will let you live another year until he needs more chili meat.

So Joey of the “worst night out with lawyers ever (you still owe me)” is wanting to move it out? Maybe that means that J won’t show up? That would be great. I can always arrange to have his legs broken as well (that was a joke Big Brother, and I am a virgin if you were wondering about those other emails and that silly blog) if you need me to.

Drinking is obviously not bad seeing as how we did not suffer the consequences attached with overindulging. Yea us. We are pro’s (that cant be a good thing.)

These cookies of which you speak, what the hell were you thinking? This is wildly unacceptable behavior and will not be tolerated. I insist on slovenly behavior at all times.

Your MP3 player sucks, I need an IPod so bad I can taste it (and it surprisingly enough tastes like whiskey.)

Oooooooo @ that sleeping outside, but what is this sleep of which you speak? That is so not on the menu for next weekend, right?????

Oh, and I am considering calling Damien.

No calling Damien. He is named after the son of the devil for goodness sakes. Here in the biz, we call that a sign of evil to come. Take heed.

Now see at first I read that as “take head” to which I was going to reply “he will do so gladly.”

It’s not like I want to have a child with him, I just need to use his, ummmm, appendages for a while. No harm no foul.

You can buy those appendages without having a man attached. Quite frankly, some days I am positive that is the way to go

Meh, they just don’t do it for me anymore.

For every minute you don’t send me a picture of that puppy another kitten will die. Fuzzy, cute little kittens are dying and it’s all your fault.


At 3:30 PM, Blogger Ian said...

Are new posts on your blog going to distract me from MY work all day as well? :)

At 4:04 PM, Blogger yournamehere said...

Steph, I said before I would be your personal assistant/slave at work. All I ask for is a livable wage, occasional shovies from you, and dibs on filming any and all of your future lesbianic experiences.

At 5:22 PM, Blogger The Funky Bee said...

umm, by the way, how is the pup you rescued?

I love the email trail.

What the hell IS going on with Paul? have you not seen/talked to him lately? I think you're ready for a new set of men. Drop the old one's. Time to meet some new 'friends'

At 3:47 AM, Blogger katarina said...

Insane. Both of you. I love it.

At 7:18 AM, Blogger Stairwell said...

I take offense at the dig on people who listen to country music!! Now, I will whole-heartedly agree on those who like THAT song (It's bat guano), but there is *some* good country music.

And I agree w/ Katarina, you two are nuts.

At 4:00 PM, Blogger Erik Mann said...

I was looking for blogs referring to Dallas and found yours. Great blog! I'm in Dallas and here's some info about me


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