Items of Note

"Sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary." -Hilary Faye

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

It’s all so very boring.

For those of you who said my life sounds like a sitcom, what the hell are you thinking?? Perhaps back when I was going out every night and juggling several men, but these days I’m just hanging around the house. What happened to my wild 3some days? I’m very disappointed in myself.

See, I don’t even have anything to talk about.

OK, there is one thing. Saturday night Pixel and I were at the porn store perusing the toy aisles and a guy came up behind me and brushed his body lightly across the back if mine. Pixel was on the next aisle and I was asking her what one toy did (I really have no idea on some of them, and before you ask I don't think I want to) and he asked me what I needed with toys when he was there. Gross. Super. Extra. Gross. The cashier told me that he was shocked at that guy’s boldness. Perhaps if I had been hanging out in the ‘arcade’ area making lusty eye contact with every man, woman and child that walked in his talking to me would have been acceptable, otherwise not so much. Just like I don’t like people looking in my cart in the grocery store, I don’t want some tiny 21 YO Asian man looking at my sex toys and asking to play along. Can’t a girl buy personal massagers get any peace anymore? What has this world come to?

People do not hook up in porn stores…. Ok let me amend that, people that look like me and my friends don’t hook up in porn stores, I’m almost positive.

Which brings me to my next point – sex toys are too expensive and I think y’all should give me money to buy them. Just a thought. Maybe I will be less bitchy? One can always hold out hope….

Oh, and Paul's an ass.

11 Comments:

At 11:18 AM, Blogger Dr. Syn said...

Greetings........You should have replied to the individual that,"..Toys are better, they can be very easily turned off!!" As usual, thanks for the humourous inspiration (at least 2 gag sketches so far!)....cheers!

 
At 1:21 PM, Blogger Stairwell said...

Wha? No witty response? No, "I'm sorry, but you must be at least this big to ride this ride." Come on!! You must've demoralized him at least a little. He deserved it.

 
At 1:50 PM, Blogger Pixel said...

Just dropping a line to say, I have returned.

 
At 4:08 PM, Blogger yournamehere said...

Note to self: Stop trolling for hot chicks at the dildo shop.

 
At 10:34 PM, Blogger A. Estella Sassypants said...

Eewww. Saw some really creepy peeps at the toy store the last time I went, but none of them rubbed or commented. Thank God, or there might've been bodies. Do you have The Rabbit? Everyone swears by it.

 
At 4:00 AM, Blogger katarina said...

That's a sign that you're ready for a boyfriend. It all adds up.

 
At 5:19 AM, Blogger nongirlfriend said...

Porn shops. I won't even begin to tell stories here...

 
At 7:57 AM, Blogger AMS said...

you should have whacked him with a dildo - that'd teach him. the double ended ones are especially good for that sort of thing

 
At 10:34 AM, Blogger The Funky Bee said...

Okay, there is a common sex store etiquet and it goes like this: Do not make eye contact, do not stare or even look at what other people are buying - until they are turned around or not looking at you, never speak to anyone unless you need assistance from the clerk. Is there nothing sacred anymore? Getting hit on in a porn store is the lowest of the low...get a life 21 yo asian dude!

and yeah I can't spell, who cares, I'm not in the mood today

 
At 12:48 PM, Blogger bunny said...

Good sex toys are too expensive, but you can't really rely on quality in the stores around here. My ex fucktard bought me an expensive one that died after 2 months. Lucky me - he bought me the same model for Christmas, two days before he dumped me. At least I get to come more now that he's out of the picture. :) Okay, that was the gratuitous ex-bashing comment. For real, good sex toys - Internet. ILeave it to the lesbians to sell the good stuff. 'm just saying.

 
At 10:55 AM, Blogger nerdboy said...

Hey, I wasn't comparing your life to a sitcom... it's more like one of those funny/serious series (like "Six Feet Under," "Dead Like Me," "Weeds," etc.) that can only be shown on cable.

 

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