Items of Note

"Sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary." -Hilary Faye

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Well there goes my appetite and their self respect

I am appalled by the show "The Girls Next Door." Appalled I tell you.

You all know that I do not have cable, or even get the local channels for that matter, so today was the first time I encountered this little nugget of nastiness.

The girls that participate in the nonsense that is the Playboy mansion need to be shot.

Watching those plastic pieces of patheticness (yes I made up a word dammit) made me sick to my stomach (no chance in hell that was the Golden Corral (gross) from this afternoon, surely you jest.)

They each need to be shot in their empty little heads. No really, they do.

The thought of one of these idiots sucking his withered, diseased penis is enough to make me give up sex for good (well almost enough.)

I can imagine that reverse cowgirl is a very highly sought after position with this crowd - "If I can't see his face maybe I can pretend I climbed aboard David Hasselhoff (yes, even HE is a better sexual partner choice.)"

The worst part is they have to pretend to be HAPPY about doing it. There are not enough drugs in the world that would make me receptive to his old man stank.

I can see it now: "Really? OMG, he wants ME TONIGHT? I just can't wait to see all of that wrinkled old man flesh up close and personal, so very sexy. It makes me feel so special, being picked out like a lobster in a tank. I hope the herpes sores are gaping and oozing tonight, that just adds to his natural manly taste!!!" (bounce bounce.)

The best I can hope for is that one day while he (the Devil that is Hugh) will be fucking one of these brainless wastes of human flesh and her implant will explode and they will both drown in a pool of silicone.

This is in no way to be taken as an anti porn/dirty magazine rant, you all know I likes me some porn. Bring on the boobs (even the fake ones) and debauchery, just don't insult my intelligence by telling me that even one of those girls 'loves' (oh yes sir they used that word) him and looks forward to grinding her pelvis in to his.

Its all so sick.

Somebody needs to put these bunnies in a pot and boil them on the stove*, it makes just about as much sense as this show does.

Well there goes my appetite and their self respect.

*No this is not an actual instruction to go out and kill bunnies of any sort you sick sick person.

68 Comments:

At 12:04 PM, Blogger Osbasso said...

She's back!

I'm like you--I rarely watch anything on TV anymore. I can't believe that people actually watch crap like that!

 
At 10:37 PM, Blogger Nick said...

I'm drunk so much I always forget who said they're going away for awhile and who said they're just taking a break. I also forget who said "Just go away". We're (and I think I speak for your general readership) are not surprised you don't like that show. That new show "How I met your mother", that's more your speed.

 
At 7:19 AM, Blogger Princess Steph said...

that was me that said just go away.

 
At 11:13 AM, Blogger Stairwell said...

But we men have never been very good at listening... :)

 
At 8:10 AM, Blogger SJR said...

I've seen that show a few times and I can't help but think that while girl #1 is with Hugh, girl # 2+3 are out banging anything they can get their hands on and it just goes through the rotation.

Because bottom line, and even though I think Hugh is a hero, the girls are there for the money, exposure, etc.

 
At 10:22 AM, Blogger The Funky Bee said...

Oh I'm with you Steph, that show is a disgace! Those women are pathetic. Once you get a good look at them you realize they aren't even attractive and they are so vapid I can't believe they even have enough useable footage to make this a television program! Oh well...It's kind of sad to see that there really are women this dumb! Hey, men have to strive for something. That there's what we call arm candy...

 
At 11:24 PM, Blogger Sam said...

I guess I'm not missing out then, huh?

 
At 9:05 AM, Blogger AndyT13 said...

Wait, you sat in front of a television that was ON ?!?!?!
Oh my, you poor thing.
Doctor! Bring the eye disinfectant!
That'll teach you to watch those things. Yeesh! Welcome back!

 
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At 1:24 PM, Blogger Polly Prissy-Pants said...

I like that show. I pretend that nothing sexual ever happens though - it's all shopping and makeovers and laying by the pool and sliding down the hill on a slip n slide. Awesome. I wish I were a vapid twit with fakies.

 
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thanks for the wrinkly diseased penis visual.

im going to lock myself in the bathroom and cry now.

 
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At 8:06 PM, Blogger Tara Tainton said...

Hilarious post! And so dead-on. ;) I'm a fan of the show though... just for those grotesqueness and wonderland factors. ;) My favorite episode was when the "lead girlfriend" was dropping hints to Hef that she wanted a baby with him someday and he kept flat out ignoring her. Sad... on both their parts! :)

By the way... was EXCELLENT meeting you. You're a very cool (and sexy) woman. I'm your newest big blog fan!!

xoxo
Tara

 
At 2:12 PM, Blogger QuietusLeo said...

"Watching those plastic pieces of patheticness (yes I made up a word dammit)"
I think that's patheticitynessation. But I might be wrong.

 
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At 4:41 AM, Blogger LisaPizza said...

I'm all for boiling the bunnies. I can't even stand the commercials for the show. ow embarrassing for them. I've seen a few of them interviewed on Chelsey Lately (one of my guilty pleasures also on E) and I've seen real rabbits who are smarter!

 
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