We like to call Monday “the best day ever.” We celebrated the hell out of President’s Day.
It began with me sending a text to E and C that went something like this: “The toothless waiter at IHop thinks I’m ‘real purty’- aren’t I special?”
Fast forward 15 minutes, C calls and says her 10:30 appointment cancelled, she’s on her way to meet me at IHop. She arrives, takes one look at Robert Joe the toothless waiter with a jerry curl mullet and bursts out on hysterical laughter- I sure do know how to pick ‘em. She misses my cue to pretend she’s my significant other and prods the toothless wonder on to flirt with me more. The check arrives and I am blessed with one bill for $16 and a brand new shiny phone number for my suitor
- he didn’t even comp my eggs dammit.
Moving on, C and I head over to the fancy mall – the one with Tiffany, Nordstrom and Sacks- and proceed to pull out our best hick accents and hit up Betsey Johnson and try on $200 sunglasses and shoes. We then move on to Sacks where I purchase my perfume I have been lusting after since I ran out last year- Angel Innocent (fitting isn’t it?)
Total spent so far: $96
We move on to Nordstrom where C tries on the cutest shirt ever, but it is over $200 so we move on, but not before making the saleslady almost pee herself thinking we were seriously going to buy items from the “special occasion’ section.
Then we hit Sephora- damage done $27. A miracle indeed.
Revised total: $123
We then left the mall to take my stinky dog to the groomer. I dropped him off with the instructions to give him a Cocker Spaniel cut, and we loaded our happy asses back in the car and headed back to Sephora for our makeover appointments.
We were made up like drag queens
by the lovely ladies at Sephora and walked out of there $130 lighter.
New total: $253
Then it was off to get manicures at the spa in the mall. 20 lovely French manicured fingers later we decided it was time for drinks. 2 manicures- $70
Revised total: $323
We went to Mi Cocina for margaritas – we met Tina the hairdresser there, we now have appointments with her Saturday for cuts and color, and we also met a Cuban man with lot’s of crazy gold jewelry that assured us he wasn’t married – as if we cared. How the hell did we spend $36 there? Oh well, add it to the total:
We then walked across the way to Bennignan’s for shots, where we met two very nice servers from another restraint that promised to hook us up if we came to visit them, so we bought them shots of Patron. I really don’t know what the total was there – 4 shots at $8 each and two beers, let’s call it $40. Oh, and the bartender thought I was lovely, mostly because of my dimples he said. I told him most people call that part of the body breasts, not dimples.
We are up to $399
The time had come to pick the dog up from the groomer. I go inside to find my tough little guy has been completely shaved – he was totally naked and very ashamed. Cocker cut my ass. Cost to spring him from hell $45.
It was only 6 at this point, so it seemed like dinner and drinks were in order so we conned two of C’s male friends in to meeting us at Cuba Libre, where shots were consumed and pitchers of mojitos were flowing. Our part of the bill came to just over $100.Grand total: $544.
Ummmm- what the hell? Apparently I am not allowed to hang out with C during the day. We are on a mission to find men that will hand over their credit cards to facilitate days like this going forward- do I have any applicants out there???