Items of Note

"Sure Jesus could restore my physical and spiritual virginity, especially if I lost it to some rapist, but who wants that? I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary." -Hilary Faye

Monday, February 27, 2006


The weekend was boring - not much to report.

I missed Donnie Darko Friday night because it felt like a gnome had crawled in to my belly and was pulling at my insides with a rusty coat hanger. All I wanted to do was die - die I tell you.

Saturday was fun- I was domestic and made greeting cards with my sister and her friends.

I then met up with E and C and went shopping (somebody should create a kid/teen free mall- oh God I'm old.) We got makeovers and had lunch and giggled and were generally obnoxious. A good time was had.....

We hit a couple of bars that night and stayed out WAY too late, but what can you do?

Sunday morning C and I made our way back to the IHOP where my boyfriend 'Bobby Joe of the jerry curl mullet' works and gorged ourselves on pancakes and hashbrowns. Bobby Joe wanted to know why I didn't call him, I let him down easy and told him my man didn't like me talking to other boys. Other boys that have no teeth and a jerry curl (how do you spell that? is it jerry?) mullet that is. He was crushed... :)

I pissed A off with a series of 3 am text messages, I will spend this evening trying to make it better.

Nothing else to report.

Friday, February 24, 2006


I met a new boy at WalMart last night (I know, what was I thinking?) He's cute- a little younger than me, but seems cool.

We appear to have a lot in common based on our conversation last night, but I fear he might be looking for a fuck buddy and I don't have any openings right now.

He would be a nice diversification for my male portfolio, seeing how all of my other boys right now are of color and Scott is white.

What's on the agenda for tonight you ask with bated breath? Donnie Darko at midnight, that's what. Very exciting stuff.

Have a sin filled weekend and I will try to do the same.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Email Addresses

I need them from a few of you ladies please:


Hot Sam from Sam's Stories

B from The Funky Bee

Steph from Attention Whore

AMS from Its All Fun and Games


No spam I promise.

You can send 'em to


She's in love with a stripper

Last night was lots of fun, naked men and $1 beer is so the way to go for that boring Wednesday. Hump day indeed- and that’s exactly what those boys did. They humped the stage, chairs that were brought on stage, women when given half a chance (nobody in my group ‘cause the $5 table dances were too rich for our cheap blood) and most importantly- each other in the back after each set (pure speculation of course.)

There was a routine that involved a power tool (only 2 girls tipped him,) a couple that centered around fire (fire bad, naked good- very good) and the cutest Risky Business boy ever. I must admit I had a little baby oil on various parts of my body by the time I left.

A tip for all of you aspiring dancers out there, don't correct me when I misidentify the band in one of your songs, I might be tempted to snatch that dollar right back out of your g-string. You are to be seen, not heard, do you understand?

Oh, and I know of a certain nay-sayer who is now in love with a stripper......E what do you have to say for yourself???

One of the guys looked so much like EB that I was scared it was him for a brief moment. Wouldn't that be great- run in to the the guy I was an asshole to?

Paul called me back in response to my “I need u 4 a little while later” text and informed me that he was attacked at work (not totally unusual considering what he does for a living – don’t ask because I won’t tell) and had a few days off so he went out of town to see his daughter. I fucking hate his job.

We have plans tonight, assuming he doesn’t cancel, one never knows.

I’ve got nothing else to share- I’ve become so boring. When did this happen?

Y’all be good.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Silly boys

No matter who it is, when an ex calls you and tells you that he "just wants you to be happy and he thinks he's the one that can make you" it pulls at your heart strings a little.

Just a little.

OK a lot.

I have nothing exciting to report. There is some drama at work, but it is all in my favor, as usual. When I rule the world (or at least the corporate world) I will keep you all in mind. Especially you- you know who you are.

We are going to the male strip club tonight, anybody wanna join? I'm not so much a fan of the baby oil slicked up bodies, but if it makes C happy I'm on board. Well that and the $1 beer. Gotta love the $1 beer.

Paul and A have both been working too much and it does not please me one bit.

I'm sorry life has drained the snark right out of me.

Todd- email me please, I can't locate your email address. I have some special lovin set aside for you. :)

I'm counting down the days to the Donnie Darko midnight showing - I will finally get to meet Non girlfriend!!!!!! Andi, still can't join?

Where is Ago-go?

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Best day ever

We like to call Monday “the best day ever.” We celebrated the hell out of President’s Day.

It began with me sending a text to E and C that went something like this: “The toothless waiter at IHop thinks I’m ‘real purty’- aren’t I special?”

Fast forward 15 minutes, C calls and says her 10:30 appointment cancelled, she’s on her way to meet me at IHop. She arrives, takes one look at Robert Joe the toothless waiter with a jerry curl mullet and bursts out on hysterical laughter- I sure do know how to pick ‘em. She misses my cue to pretend she’s my significant other and prods the toothless wonder on to flirt with me more. The check arrives and I am blessed with one bill for $16 and a brand new shiny phone number for my suitor- he didn’t even comp my eggs dammit.

Moving on, C and I head over to the fancy mall – the one with Tiffany, Nordstrom and Sacks- and proceed to pull out our best hick accents and hit up Betsey Johnson and try on $200 sunglasses and shoes. We then move on to Sacks where I purchase my perfume I have been lusting after since I ran out last year- Angel Innocent (fitting isn’t it?)

Total spent so far: $96

We move on to Nordstrom where C tries on the cutest shirt ever, but it is over $200 so we move on, but not before making the saleslady almost pee herself thinking we were seriously going to buy items from the “special occasion’ section.

Then we hit Sephora- damage done $27. A miracle indeed.

Revised total: $123

We then left the mall to take my stinky dog to the groomer. I dropped him off with the instructions to give him a Cocker Spaniel cut, and we loaded our happy asses back in the car and headed back to Sephora for our makeover appointments.

We were made up like drag queens by the lovely ladies at Sephora and walked out of there $130 lighter.

New total: $253

Then it was off to get manicures at the spa in the mall. 20 lovely French manicured fingers later we decided it was time for drinks. 2 manicures- $70

Revised total: $323

We went to Mi Cocina for margaritas – we met Tina the hairdresser there, we now have appointments with her Saturday for cuts and color, and we also met a Cuban man with lot’s of crazy gold jewelry that assured us he wasn’t married – as if we cared. How the hell did we spend $36 there? Oh well, add it to the total:

Total: $359

We then walked across the way to Bennignan’s for shots, where we met two very nice servers from another restraint that promised to hook us up if we came to visit them, so we bought them shots of Patron. I really don’t know what the total was there – 4 shots at $8 each and two beers, let’s call it $40. Oh, and the bartender thought I was lovely, mostly because of my dimples he said. I told him most people call that part of the body breasts, not dimples.

We are up to $399

The time had come to pick the dog up from the groomer. I go inside to find my tough little guy has been completely shaved – he was totally naked and very ashamed. Cocker cut my ass. Cost to spring him from hell $45.

Total $444

It was only 6 at this point, so it seemed like dinner and drinks were in order so we conned two of C’s male friends in to meeting us at Cuba Libre, where shots were consumed and pitchers of mojitos were flowing. Our part of the bill came to just over $100.

Grand total: $544.

Ummmm- what the hell? Apparently I am not allowed to hang out with C during the day. We are on a mission to find men that will hand over their credit cards to facilitate days like this going forward- do I have any applicants out there???

Friday, February 17, 2006


Does it disturb you all to know that I am thrilled to now be the proud owner of Cabin Boy on DVD?

I thought it might.

It's the little things that make me happy people, the little things.

Carry on.

I hate it when I run out of the good stuff.


It's going to be a long weekend (literally even.)

Thursday, February 16, 2006


I've eaten far too many sweets today.

Like I'm not already sweet enough without them..... ha.

I'm in a crappy mood, make it better. Now. Please?


I need sex, drugs and maybe some rock and roll......

Fucking Thursdays.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Last night

Is is weird that I sat at home alone and watched some porn that A had left the night before?

I thought it might be.

It seemed like the thing to do at the time, and it was better than any I have in my collection.

Oh well. To each her own, right?

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Dreaded VD

I received flowers at work today - the note said "Happy Valentines Day" and was not signed.

What. The. Hell?


My dog (the canine vacuum) ingested a used condom last night. How disgusting is that?

A is simply fantastic at the whole sex thing.

My poor neighbors - maybe I should send them an "I'm sorry I'm so loud during sex" card - does Hallmark make those? Well they should.

Monday, February 13, 2006


The weekend was mostly uneventful. Paul called Friday night and ended up coming over and watching a movie and staying most of the night. I don’t know what to think about what happened – there were some odd moments that were unusual for our relationship. First, we talked for hours. We haven’t done that in a long time. Second, he repeatedly kissed me passionately while we were having sex, any of you that know me know that I don’t do that with fuck buddies. Just thinking about the kisses makes my stomach flutter. Ugggg.

I can’t help but wonder if it didn’t have something to do with my telling him about A entering my life.

I’m being such a girl.

Saturday night I went out with friends- very low key but tons of fun.

I’m hanging out with A tonight. He had better watch out, I’m feeling a bit randy.

I'm losing my will to blog..... just thought you should know.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

One sexy text message and his anger dissolved. I love having that power.

Paul has been replaced and I couldn't be more excited.

The terms were discussed and agreements were made.

I hope he lets me post pictures of his fabulous abs for you all to see.

Have a wonderful day.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006


A sent a text message yesterday that said “You and I have plans tonight, I will see you at 10.” He has been getting impatient with my constant turn downs of his offers to go out, but he has been asking me out to lunch then dinner every day since we met.

I like a man who takes control and I was impressed with the tone of the text message, so I said ok.

So I went out to dinner with my sister and headed home and took a nap. When I got up from my nap I had the worst headache ever. I took all sorts of medications and nothing would make it go away, so eventually I sent him a message telling him to please not be pissed but I had to cancel.

Pissed didn’t even begin to cover his reaction. He was livid.

He called me and said that he was done making time for me.

This is so not my week when it comes to guys.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

I am hated

Yesterday was not a good day for me where men are concerned.

I ran in to The Suit in the lobby of my work building – I cheerfully said hello and he looked at me with what I would describe as disgust and shook his head and walked away. So its like that is it? We had made plans to go out to lunch for his birthday a few weeks ago and I blew it off, but we never actually firmed up a date or time so I assumed he forgot. Apparently not.

Then fueled by my torrid flirtation with A I decided to send Paul a text message telling him that I want my copy of Boondock Saints back.

Me: “So did you watch/enjoy the movie cause I’m gonna need it back now.”
Him: “Mom’s really ill I’m at home and will return it when I get back.”

I feel bad about the tone I took now. Oh well, I was going to get it back and tell him he had been replaced anyway. I just felt a little mean about the whole thing.

A wanted to go out last night but I told him I had a date- you have to keep them guessing, right? He contacts me a lot more than I would normally tolerate – I’m hoping its not just a matter of time before his morning noon and night messages begin to really annoy me. Maybe I will tell him that one out of every three messages must include a picture of his abs…..

I’m tired and don’t want to work. Send money.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Oh, and apparently I will be having a lot of nooners in this relationship- sweet!!

You know it's bad news when I say to Pixel "I think he is a lot more sexual than I am - holy crap!"

Girls gone wild

The weekend was wild and I feel like Courtney Love looks, and that ain’t good my friends.

Typing isn’t easy, its like all of the keys have moved over one (or 6) spaces.

Friday night was fantastic. A is very, very cute and a mighty fine kisser. I didn’t make it home until 6 am Saturday morning- we stayed up all night and talked. No really, we did. Ask Pixel she was there trying to fend off his cousin.

He is not a soul mate- the theme phrase for the weekend was “I’m a hustler baby.” He has a lot of irons in the fire it seems…. but at least his job is legit.

He was late again Saturday night, but from the second he walked in all of his attention was on me and he more than made up for it. Did I mention the overwhelming cuteness? Oh, and a really big dick (hey, my hand slipped while we were kissing in the club. Seriously.)

There were two things that he did that I thought were totally hot/sweet(?)- the first was he told me when he got to the club he saw me standing there and decided to watch me for a few minutes just to 'take me in' and the second was he kept telling everybody how we met- that he would have always regretted it if he had not pulled back in to talk to me. His line was "she had no idea who she was smiling at."

I called me a lot on Saturday- perhaps a little too much for my taste- but I haven't told him about all of my weirdness yet. I lied and told him that I was going over to my mom’s since I had just spent the entire night with him. At one point he wanted to come over to take a nap with me. Perhaps having a FWB that lives just down the street might not be such a good thing- I was scared I would run in to him all day. Oh well.

The club we met at was cool, it was my 1st time there. It was one of those that was so crowded that you get groped constantly, but what did I care, the time had come for a good groping anyway. Even though I was with A I still managed to go home with 4 new phone numbers and one business card. That’s what too many free shots of Patron will get me!!! I hope I didn‘t give mine out! That’s always comfortable – “Yeah, I have no idea who you are and I spoke to a lot of men Friday night.”

Saturday and Sunday involved evilness of their own, but I don’t have time to go it to it all now. All in all it was like the good old days, but I am paying the price today.

Y’all be good!!

Friday, February 03, 2006

Too little too late

So he called and said he would be late, then he called again and said he would be even later then I called and said it was too late and I was changing in to my pj’s. He apologized profusely and we are going out tonight.

He sent me the following text this morning:

“Hey mamma, sorry about last night, I owe you big! We can meet tonight at 8 Lounge. Did you sleep well?”

I hate it when people are late. I make the effort to be on time and expect the same of others.

We will see what happens tonight. Bah.

Thursday, February 02, 2006


How long has it been since you have seen me excited over a boy that I just met?

A really, really long time.

I have found Paul’s replacement (assuming everything goes well tonight) and it will be a VERY good thing.

We can call him A for now.

I pulled in to 7-11 yesterday afternoon and as I was getting out of my car I noticed a very attractive man getting in to his, so attractive that it took my breath away a little bit. I gave him a light smile and went inside and watched him pull away. When I walked back outside he pulled back in to the parking lot and motioned for me to come over, so I obliged. He introduced himself and told me I was beautiful and asked if I would be willing to give him my number.

I did, he called me 15 minutes later, we talked and I’m excited.

He asked me what I was looking for, I replied “I’m looking for Paul’s replacement, I’ll fill you in on the details later.”

He sent me a message this morning that said "Hey mamma, good morning, hope your day goes well. Did I run across your mind last night?"

Very interesting.

He is my age, has a good job, lives alone, went to college and is very sexy.

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